Stop Normalizing Infidelity.

We need to talk about the normalization and glorification of infidelity. It has risen to astronomical levels, and whether we think it affects our thoughts on marriage or not, it does.

Recently, I read an article on an interview Torrei Hart did for Vibe.com, and she discusses where she’s at in life, and her new found appreciation for side bitches.

Torrei Hart

“You men just got to be more upfront. See here’s the thing, I appreciate a good side b*tch. There’s days I don’t feel like doing sh*t, let that side b*tch do that job. There’s days I don’t feel like sucking d**k. There’s days I don’t feel like cooking and cleaning,” the 40-year-old said. [Vibe.com]

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HolupholupholupholupHOLD.UP. What in the entire f*ck are you talking about? “Glorifying side bitches?” Is this where we have fallen in 2018? Ya’ll, I’m tired.

I read several articles regarding Torrei Hart’s newfound confidence, and wanting to be a positive source of inspiration for women going through tough breakups or hardship.

If that was what you were trying to do, girl you failed. I don’t wanna read nothing about side bitches. In what world would a woman who was married, be happy that a side bitch existed? I find it problematic that our society is so adamant about giving mistresses a voice. Have we forgotten what a mistress actually is?

In case ya’ll weren’t familiar:

mis·tress
ˈmistris/
noun
 a woman in a position of authority or control;a woman having an extramarital sexual relationship, especially with a married man.
synonyms: lover, girlfriend, kept woman, the other woman
I think in reality, realizing that your husband has stepped out on you and started another life with another woman is a specific kind of devastation. We as women don’t need to pretend to be cool with that. Regardless of what was going on in their relationship, it’s never okay to betray trust like that. It’s literally, never.okay. Our society at this point is so fixated on highlighting the messy parts of relationships. This does impact younger generations, making it seem like marriage isn’t a serious thing. It is.
Having such a public break up has to be hella traumatic. Not only has your marriage disintegrated, but everybody and their mama knows your business. Torrei, girl you were HURT. Embarrassed. Humiliated. Angry. THAT’S real. You wanna talk about being an example? Talk about that experience, and how you overcame it. Don’t disrespect yourself by now, saying that the existence of side bitches is somehow a good thing. No the f!ck it is not.

I’ve watched my parents go through it in their 37 years of marriage. I can see how complex and difficult it can be. I can see how one can get to a point where it seems like the end is easier than fighting. But I’ve also seen them fight to stay together. I’ve seen them go through trials and battle through difficult transitions. But they always returned to where they began: as friends. My parents have such a deep respect for each other, that I admire and hope to have one day for myself. That’s why the Torrei Harts of the world are problematic. Torrei did an interview for Bombshell that discusses her career, co-parenting, and overcoming her failed marriage with Kevin Hart. In my opinion, you can keep it real about the pain and suffering you endured post breakup, and how you found your happy again. But don’t do yourself or other women a disservice by talking about side bitches being something that’s now “okay.” It’s not, it never was, it never will be.

Let’s stop thinking that being the ‘main’ girl is cute, when we all know being the “only” feels better. Let’s stop acting like we really wanna hear about mistresses, and giving them spaces to get a check by talking about their messy, disrespectful behavior. Let’s make glorifying commitment cool again.

Image result for angela bassett and husband

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5 thoughts on “Stop Normalizing Infidelity.

  1. Sounds like Torrei is trying to justify to herself what’s going on so she doesn’t feel like a depressive failure. She needs to stop and think about the fact that she is better than being cheated on a treated like she isn’t enough.

    I had a friend that was in an open marriage with his wife. It was his idea and she seemed to go along with the idea, because she felt like there wasn’t another option; he was going to be in an open one either way. In the end, she left my friend for one of her ‘boyfriends’ and he was completely devastated. I told him not to cry to me for help – he brought this on himself by introducing other lovers into the picture. That’s what happens, friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s tough, when we don’t stay true to ourselves and what we want. It sometimes causes us to entertain things that will cause us unnecessary suffering. Thanks for reading and sharing that!

      Like

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