What if you started something new, and in the back of your mind, that there was a possibility of an ending? It’s easy in the beginning to focus on that moment. When you first realize you connect with someone else. You establish patterns, and rituals. You memorize the big and small things about them. Like what they like in their tea, or what time they get up in the morning. Where they want to be professionally in 5 years, their favorite color, the thing they are most afraid of. You’re learning these things, and it’s natural, scary, and exciting. It doesn’t seem like it could stop, because you’re in it. This person has inserted themselves into your life and you have made room for them. You’ve introduced them to friends, they’ve seen you drunk, they’ve seen you cry. You are a unit, and everything feels comfortable.
Except when a partner becomes too comfortable. As we all know, the task of trying to connect and establish a relationship can sometimes feel arduous. Learning someone new, adjusting your life and schedules to accommodate them, sacrificing for them, can require different things from you. Sometimes once a relationship is established, it’s easy to become lazy. You’re not having as many date nights, because you’re a couple! Netflix and chill is easy, every night we spend together is ‘date’ night, even if it means we’re only sleeping next to each other. You spend less time learning new things about each other, new ways to challenge and help each other grow. You spend more time staying in that complacency because the hard work is over right?
WRONG. I often think to myself, if people knew something could end, that someone they loved could be taken away, would they try consistently? Would they constantly remind their partner how much they are loved and appreciated? In all honesty, I think people would.
The problem with getting too comfortable too early, is a false feeling that you’ve worked enough. You have established yourself as a couple, and that should be enough. WHO told you that?
How do you think couples stay married? I’m talking for 20,30 years? I’ll tell you why: because relationships take WORK. CONSTANT work. You don’t get to slack off just because of a title. Those of you who think that way will end up single, I’ma tell you that right now. Everything in life worth having takes work. You don’t get handed your dream apartment or dream job without putting effort in. Ya’ll should know this, especially if you live in New York.You WORK for it. There is nothing different about relationships. From the time you commit, you have made an agreement with your partner to work for the sake of your relationship. You both have established that you want each other so much, you are willing to continuously remind them why they signed up for this in the first place. That’s the point. If you find yourself slippin, and you will, because WE all do, have an honest convo with yourself, and say, “self, you’re fucking up. remember, this could end at any time. so you better step your shit up.” I always laugh when I hear couples talking about they been together a year, three years, five years. Don’t get me wrong, that’s amazing. But understand, dating in the beginning is like being on probation at a job. We are still trying to make sure this thing works, and if it doesn’t you can and will be dropped, and someone will fill the position. The goal is to achieve tenure, and if ya’ll aren’t married, ya’ll still need to be working.
Love is work. Don’t let these TV shows and movies fool your asses. It is work from the beginning to the end. Make sure that you’re reminding your significant other always that you’re willing to fight for them.
