It’s been weeks since I wrote anything. A bit unusual for me, but I gotta keep it honest.
I lost the energy and drive to write. Initially I felt bad about it, cheating my readers and myself out of my passion. Then I was like, nah b. I was not taking care of myself. The summer in general has been very rough emotionally for me, something that I kept to myself for the most part. Between recovering from a pretty bad breakup, working two jobs, and dealing with the normal day to day stresses of adulting, my spirit was spent. All I could think about was how tired I was of being tired.
I’m sitting in the airport, waiting to board my flight back to the city. I’m thinking to myself, this was overdue. We compliment those who are always on the grind, always hustling. But to be honest, I needed to take a break from the grind, and not feel bad about it. I needed to breathe, to sleep. I needed to remember that there is beauty amidst the chaos, that there are so many reasons to smile. Most importantly, I needed to sit with myself. I had spent the entire summer on the run, no Beyoncé. Running from pain, hurt, anger, sadness. I didn’t feel like running anymore. Once I stopped I realized, how okay I was. I was okay with the breakup, I felt satisfied with everything I managed to accomplish in spite of dealing with so much. From starting a program at NYU in two weeks, to landing freelance gigs, taking the GREs, beginning to date AGAIN. I been workkinnnnn!! Now that I’ve come back to myself, it’s only gonna get better.
I had so many random bits and pieces that I strung together in this post. But they are all valid.
I like me. In fact, this version of me is by far my favorite. I like being social, but I fuckin love my alone time, and I won’t apologize for it. Sleep is something I need more of, I’m completely different when I’m rested. I am very much lovable, and I love me the most. I will fall in love again and it will be better.
I want to experience bliss in solitude, be so full on my own that I don’t need another being to keep me afloat. I wanna tread water happily on my own.
If we listened to ourselves, we would avoid a lot of unnecessary heartbreak. Sometimes we supply our own suffering without realizing it. Choose different. Choose not to continue the same unhealthy patterns. This goes for platonic and romantic relationships. Be cognizant of what energies you allow in your life.
None of us have it all together, all the time, and that’s fine.
Thanks guys for still rockin with me. Let’s keep it going.