Ho-Tation Myths & Fairytales.


         “How you tryna complete somebody else’s life, when your ass isn’t even                          complete?”-Bryce Lennon

When clarity hits, it’s a satisfying feeling. Like forreal doe, when it comes to this dating/romance shit, I feel like I’m in a real good place.Not sayin that i figured it out, i don’t know if we all ever really figure it out. We just learn as we go. But I feel like I’ve learned a lot about myself these past few months. One thing I know for certain, is I will no longer entertain anything that does not fulfill me or make me happy. That’s why the idea of options or having a ho-tation is hilarious to me, as is cuffing season. Let’s really break down this episode of Insecure though.  I know ya’ll remember: Issa was dumb hype because she had a steady stream of options to keep her occupied and help her get over Lawrence. Let’s keep it a stack.There was no way in hell Issa was gonna be satisfied dating/fucking all those men. WE OLD. Who even has time to keep track of all those text threads? How you goin on all these dates on a school night? When are we meal prepping? Did you get to the gym at all this week?! Chile, please. The goal is still the same: meet someone you like enough to sleep with, chill with, and build with. With ONE person at time, not 79.

How lonely it must feel to lay next to someone you don’t give a shit about. How frustrating it must feel knowing you had something constant and  reliable, only to go back to the ambiguity of ‘will he text me back/will he call/will he ghost me.’ How sad one must feel wondering if you’ll ever get the chance to feel that same kind of love again.

Attention is temporary. It is so fleeting that you wonder if you made it up in your head. It’s easy to invent the fairytale with someone who seemingly is drawn to you. People can lie to you, but your gut always knows the truth. Your gut knows when the feelings are false, or misguided, or dishonest. We just choose to ignore it more often than not, and in the end we fuck ourselves.


Newsflash: the ho-tation is bullshit. It is literally the most dissatisfying thing in the world.  You gas yourself up thinking that this is enough, this is fun/sustainable. It’s not. At the end of the day, you only want attention from the one you fuck with the most. Everything just seems like a watered down version of affection. Get that idea out of your head. Ya’ll saw how much Issa struggled. She didn’t have enough love for herself to realize what she really needed to do was timeout, regroup, focus on her own shit. She did not need to be having casual sex, or maintaining a rotation, or trying to scheme on the next man. She needed to figure out her own mistakes in her past relationships, figure out next steps in her career, save money, live better. Regular ‘coming of age’ shit.

There is no real temptation when you have something real. That isn’t to say you can’t find other people attractive, we are all human. But in the end, we don’t have options. We have only a few moments on this earth to possibly, experience something real. Those moments should not be taken for granted. Second chances aren’t guaranteed.

All a ho-tation provides is the opportunity to be temporarily distracted by a C-list version of your ideal mate. It’s an opportunity for people who may not value you at your core, use you until they are ready to move on. Do you really want to waste time with someone who doesn’t value you? You don’t. 

While you wait on real bae to get their acts together, relax. Do your thing until it’s time. Be more selective about the eggs you put into your basket.

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