Why can’t I meet someone great? Why am I single? Why did he cheat? Why doesn’t he feel how I do? Why can’t relationships be easy? Why aren’t I married with kids yet? Will I ever fall in love? Why did things end that way? Why am I not making more money? Why is being an adult so hard?
Time out. Stop asking why. The WHY questions could definitely drive you insane. Because we live in an age where we want instant everything. We want everything NOW. We want all the answers NOW. We want to figure it all out NOW.
There’s nothing wrong with you. You don’t need to lose weight, or learn how to cook better. You don’t need to wear weaves or go out more. You don’t need to pretend to be someone you’re not, whether that’s the submissive girl, the mixxy girl, the intellectual girl. You can actually just be yourself, you’re enough, and you’ve always been enough. You’re worthy of being loved fully and completely, you do not need to change for the benefit of anybody but yourself. We are all constantly evolving, you do not need to put undue pressure on yourself to be ‘perfect.’ Don’t allow anyone to tell you you’re ‘too’ anything. Too loud. Too crazy. Too difficult. ‘Too’ whatever. You’re worthy of being loved right now, as you are, in this moment.
I’m a self proclaimed control freak. I have no issues admitting that, and in some aspects of my life, it works for me. I was sitting in my class yesterday with my cohort, and we took turns reflecting on how the year of class went. I talked about my desire and constant self work on letting go. I think about that a lot.
I’ve always been a planner. I grew up in a household where I was taught to always have a plan A, plan B, plan C. You get the picture. That way you weren’t caught off guard or unprepared. The more I think about that, the more I think about how untrue it is at this stage of my life. Nothing that happened in the last year was planned. The more I tried to get a hold on things, the more I realized I could not. I could not control the outcome, I could not predict the future. It’s like when you go to the grocery store, and you know you should get a little cart for your stuff. You convince yourself you can carry everything. In reality you look like a dummy trying to juggle mad items, shit is falling everywhere, and you’re wondering why you did things the hard way. But we do that in life. The best lessons we learn is more often than not, the hard way. I can only speak for myself, but 28 was nothing but harsh ass life lessons. They were necessary though, in order for me to continue to grow.
I find myself questioning less. Where I’ll be in 5 years. When I’ll get married. When I’ll have kids. If I’ll ever leave New York. It isn’t up to me, it never has been. Regardless of where you are or what’s happening in your life, you have very little say in the ultimate outcome. All you can do is live in the moment, focus on being present in the experience, and take it one step at a time. Stop beating yourself up by asking why. All that we experience in life prepares us to be the best versions of ourselves. So don’t question it, don’t doubt yourself, just be. Love where you are and who you are, right now. Life is a lot more peaceful when you stop comparing your journey to the people around you.