When life comes at you fast and there’s no time to write because you’re just trying to sort through it all. In all honesty, April kicked my ass. The dust has settled, it’s a new month, full of possibilities, and finally, more thoughts on dating and love.

                                             

  Gut instincts.

“Take a step back and view the world through your eyes, not someone else’s. Listen to your heart and decide what you really want.”-Fennel Hudson

but your heart, it will not.”- Nikki Rowe

We hear these old adages time and time again, especially when it comes to relationships. It’s like people can’t think of anything else to say when they really don’t know what the ‘right’ answer is. It sounds.. simple. We follow our gut instincts everyday. We look both ways when we cross the street. We don’t put our hand near a hot stove. The list goes on. But relationships are not as simple. Many of us go against our gut instincts, and the results can be heartbreaking.

We all know a friend or have been that friend, that has entertained a bad relationship. Now there are levels to bad. The idea of a healthy relationship is very subjective; you and I may have different interpretations of that. Many of us don’t know what a healthy argument looks like. People struggle with finding balance between dating, friends, and professional life. Some of us struggle with advocating for ourselves without putting our partner down. Others struggle with transparency. Still others deal with infidelity or the temptation to cheat. All of these could contribute to a potentially unhealthy, unsatisfying relationship. In our heart of hearts, whether we have never been in a relationship before or have been in several, our gut never lies to us. We know what feels wrong and what feels right. We know what makes us happy and what makes us sad. We all remember the first interaction with our significant other. That indescribable feeling that this was gonna be something. That this person was going to be very significant in your life. 9 times of 10 you were right. Whether the experience was good, or bad, it was gonna happen.

The question is, what happens when we go against our gut? Why do we ignore our instincts? I’ll tell you why. Emotions cloud judgement. Other factors cloud judgement like 1-not wanting to start over 2- enjoying being in a relationship 3- fear 4- feeling like this is the best you’ll ever get 5- wanting to stay the course and try until you can’t anymore. It is easy for an outsider to give their two cents on anyone’s situation. But in reality we don’t know until we’re in it. Even then, we still don’t always know.

 As we get older we become more aware that time isn’t promised to us. It’s not. People are born and people die every single day. Life changes constantly. We owe it to ourselves to be as blissfully happy as long as we possibly can. If it feels wrong, let it go. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but make a decision. The beauty of instinct is it’s your heart’s way of telling you what needs to be done even if your mind doesn’t agree. It’s not supposed to be easy, none of this dating/love shit is easy. That’s why it’s so imperative that we listen to ourselves. Check in: does this feel good still? Am I happy?Is this person making my life better? Is this worth it? If it feels right, go with it. Figure out the details later. Don’t concern yourself with the outcome, you have absolutely no control over any of it anyway. Might as well enjoy the moment.

I’ve recently become more impulsive when it comes to things like booking trips. I used to be stressed that I hadn’t planned far ahead enough, I had to wait until I had all my ducks in a row. When in reality, life can come at you fast. Seize the opportunity, don’t assume that you’ll get another chance to experience something great. It actually feels pretty badass to be spontaneous, and as a result I have given myself more opportunities to see the world.  The same can be said of falling in love. Our generation is obsessed with trying to plan every thing. Chasing that next degree, that next promotion, that next job. Telling yourself that when all is done, you will make time for things like dating, relationships, marriage, kids, etc. Give. it. up. Life and love happens when it happens. It follows no timeline, there’s no way to predict the outcome. Some of it is gonna be fucking awesome and amazing and other parts are going to be horrible and devastating. You have to trust the process. Regardless of where things end up, you know you’ll be okay and be better for the experience.