It is amazing how much deceit lies amidst couples. Before you get defensive, hear me out. We are surrounded by seemingly happy twosomes. We see it with celebrities, in our families, our friends, you name it. It all looks real good, everyone looks real happy. Don’t get me wrong, some of these couples are hella in love. That’s dope, I’m all the way here for it. HOWEVER, amidst these happy lovebirds are the small cohort, who are actually….not. Those who are not fully invested in the commitment they claim to have on the internets and to their circles. Think about this: how often do you as a social media user, comment and praise photos and videos of couples on Twitter, Facebook, IG, etc? Only to find out that so-and-so is cheating on their signifcant other, or that they have been unhappy for years and years but can’t seem to separate? There’s a kid from my high school who has had three different women in the past 4 years and been engaged to all of them. What.are.you.saying?! It’s time we have a real conversation about what actually occurs in relationships and the facade our generation loves to present to the world.
Commitment is not about just having titles. It’s about commitment to sharing things good or bad, and a willingness to work with another regardless of potential barriers. Let’s stop glossing over the real work that it takes to cultivate and sustain a healthy relationship. Stop acting like falling in love is a Disney movie. It’s not, it never was, cut it out.
Just because you commit to someone doesn’t mean they are gonna fully commit to you. Some people dive right into a relationship and your partner is still chilling on the beach. They didn’t jump in with you. What do I mean by this? One of the most useful things you can do when you are unattached, is observe, learn, read, and apply. While you’re dating and working on you, it’s also important to understand what exactly you want, what you need, and what you bring to the table. One of the biggest things I wanted to avoid in any romantic relationship, is poor communication. I have seen how horribly things end with friends and their significant others, when people are. not. honest.
Example: I had a coworker who was with her bae for 4 years. Seemingly over the moon for each other, went on all the trips, had all the photos on social media. Like, look at us! We over here so damn HAPPY! You want this!
Come to find out, they break up. It turns out that he knew he didn’t see anything long term with her, and was emotionally checked out two years in. So what in the entire fuck was ya’ll doing the last two?! I’ll tell you what. She was planning forever, and you were planning your escape. That makes you dishonest.
People don’t really realize that you have a responsibility once you have a title, be it wife, girlfriend, husband, boyfriend.You are agreeing to show up. You are committing to that. Showing up means letting your partner in. Letting them see the ugly parts. I’m not saying this because I’m having this brand new epiphany. I’m saying this because I observe it all the time. People checking out of relationships but not letting their partner know that. How do you get to decide the relationship is over, without consulting the other party? So many people were checked out months before the relationship ended, but still faking the funk. Because ‘you didn’t wanna hurt them.‘ That is the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever heard. News flash: you’re going to hurt them either way. Everyone is so scared to look like an asshole. We have all been assholes, at least once, to someone. Such is life. The least you can do is respect them enough to be honest about how you feel. I don’t care what anyone says, I would rather you tell me the truth than lie to me. Respect holds a lot of clout in a twosome. If you don’t respect me, what do we have to talk about? Not a damn thing.
Stop being fraudulent about your feelings. If you are in it for the sex, cool. If you wanna be together, cool. SAY THAT. Be man enough to admit that this isn’t what you want, or that you’ve had a change of heart. Or that you made a mistake. IT takes a lot of bravery to admit you fucked up. As fragile as men think we are, in reality as women, we will bounce back. We will always try to love again. Also, this just in: SOMETIMES we just want ya’ll for sex. Shocking, i know.
The same goes for women. Stop settling. Stop putting up with bullshit and be honest with yourself. Our gut feelings never lie. You knew you weren’t invested, but you still went along for the ride anyway. You knew he didn’t love you, but you stuck around anyway, and now ‘ninjas ain’t shit.’ He wouldn’t show you real commitment, but you decided to have a baby with him anyway. We fuck up too. Everyone just needs to own their shit and be honest about who they are and what they want. We’ll just keep hurting each other if we don’t acknowledge that we lie to each other.
Donald Trump is President. That’s a thing. The majority of ya’ll who read this blog are damn near 30. The world could literally end and ya’ll still can’t tell each other the real?? Get it together.
Commit to being authentic in your relationships in 2017. I promise you will avoid a lot of unnecessary pain and heartache if you stay true to what you want.