It’s the end of the year. Man, how fuckin rough was 2016, amiright?! Sheesh. I don’t know about ya’ll, but I’m trying to slip quietly into 2017 with my mind, heart, and body intact. As we all know, things are changing constantly, and not everything or everyone you dealt with in 2016, is gonna make it 2017. Happens every year, could be a friend that has phased out, could be a change in employment, could be anything. NOT to mention that we are ending the year in Mercury Retrograde (yes I believe in that stuff, judge your mom). It’s touch and go until the 1st, and it’s always a good time to reflect.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about ‘what ifs.’ I’d like to think that everyone has a person that they’ve crossed paths with in life, and wondered what would have happened if you had dated. Someone you wished you had tried to pursue, or at least, given a chance. Maybe the timing was off, maybe you weren’t ready, perhaps the friendship was too good to potentially ruin. Who knows. The point is, holidays/cold months are also a time where you may wonder what that person is doing, or where they ended up. Maybe even, if there is a chance to try again.
Now, I’m not talking about your ex whatever that recently hit you up, talkin about some ‘hey bighead.’ I already wrote about sexing your exes, so ya’ll can see yourself to the Archives of this here blog.
I’m talking about homeboy who had a girl, and you were feeling the kid, but respected boundaries. Or your best friend ‘who’s like your brother’ but not actually, who is lowkey kinda fine. Or, the guy who you were kinda into, but met someone ‘better’ and any chance of ya’ll getting together was null and void.
I decided to take to the streets (and by streets I mean my cell phone, because um IT’S COLD), and talk to the homies about the ‘what if’ guy. I got a homegirl who is happily with her bae, and we talked about her ‘what if’ guy. She talked about her ‘best guy friend’ that she’s known for a billion years. Freshman year, they tried to make that reality happen, and it was a fail. Tried again a few year later, still a dub. Shit happens, sometimes the spark just isn’t actually there. Luckily, things didn’t get super weird and they are still besties. All’s well that end’s well.
I have another homegirl, who fell into the same habit of hooking up with her ‘what if’ guy. They hated each other, then they lusted after each other, but no one ever really stopped to say, ‘ hey we been doing this for 456 years, maybe let’s try dating?‘ You know why? Because in reality, they both already knew that they were really never meant to be together. It’s just an itch that gets scratched every couple of months. Hey, we’ve all been there.
Another friend actually tried with her ‘what if.’ Really tried, like dates and phone calls, and feelings, the whole nine. In the end, the incompatibility was so apparent, it just had to end. BUT they remained friends, and it just became another chapter in their story.
Sometimes you wanna open that bag of worms for shits and giggles. Sometimes, you scroll through your phone, and wonder if you should go on a second date with that one dude you met 45 weeks ago, or call homeboy from your last job who was kinda whack but really ‘nice.’ Or, relatable scenario, you’re hooking up with a guy, and try and turn a friends with benefits scenario into the real deal. Or you think ‘maybe I wasn’t paying attention, what if BAE is the barista at Starbucks! Or that fine young man on the C Train! Or that fella with the cool shirt who was dabbing at that one kickback last summer! WHAT IF I MISSED MY CHANCE?!
Cool your jets, man. Don’t overthink it, don’t force it, don’t make up scenarios in your mind that aren’t real. When you meet bae, you’ll know. It may not be some Disney movie, over the top scenario. But it’ll happen, when you least expect it, and you’ll know.
I know plenty of ‘what if’ guys who ended up being the right guy for the right girl. Lots of successful relationships, marriages, all that good stuff. In those cases, I’m sure the girl is happy she took that chance. But, just know that you’re ‘what if’ may just have to remain a mystery. Sometimes you gotta let what isn’t meant to be, be.
Happy Holidays, kids!
2 thoughts on “A Note,To the ‘What If’ Guys.”
I loooove this. I think I acted on my what-if guy and he’s now my most recent ex. Don’t regret it at all, the long distance just grew to big of a wedge. But I can’t honestly say I know exactly who my what-if guy is. Like you said, I just accepted what wasn’t meant to be, be.
That’s super real. I have a what if guy. He’s been that to me for almost 5 years. I think I know it’s time to let it go, because it’s not meant to be. I wonder if you have more than one? Or maybe your ex was it. I appreciate you sharing.:)