Emotional Intimacy vs. Physical Intimacy: Reloaded.

“We are most alive when we find it, most devastated when we lose it, most empty when we give up on it, most inhuman when we betray it, and most passionate when we pursue it.” –Erwin Raphael McManus

I just saw Moonlight, and my mind is blown. So much so that I spent an hour mulling over the nuances of the film on my couch for an hour afterwards, like I didn’t have to be up dumb early. But I digress.

Brief synopsis: A timeless story of human connection and self-discovery, Moonlight chronicles the life of a young black man from childhood to adulthood as he struggles to find his place in the world while growing up in a rough neighborhood of Miami.

Also notable, ya’ll remember Remy, that fine ass black man from ‘House of Cards?’ He’s in it, as well as Trevante Rhodes, some other fine black actor. But anyways!

It took me a minute to really grasp all of the intricacies and themes interspersed throughout the film. There were so many layers. I won’t ruin it for ya’ll, because some of you probably haven’t seen it. I would suggest having a thorough fellowship with your closest friends afterwards because shit was hella deep.

Anywho, one of the overarching themes of the film was emotional intimacy.   I had written a piece probably a year ago on Emotional Intimacy vs. Physical Intimacy. I think I’m still processing that for myself, what being intimate that way really means. I know that I look around me, and see that I’m not the only one.

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Something strange happens once you enter your late twenties. Conversations regarding sex and relationships tend to take on a different tone. You outgrow certain mindsets, you grow tired of repeating the same mistakes in love, and you start to think long term. At least, for some of us.  It’s like, when I hear these stories of casual relationships with my friends, both male and female, it makes me laugh. There’s nothing casual anymore about relationships. We’ve moved past that, whether we want to admit to ourselves or not. It’s not cute to do the walk of shame or ride of pride ( if you got uber money like dat). Even amongst women, we’re not even really excited when we get new d*ck anymore, even if it’s bomb. We still want more, even if we can’t say that out loud. You don’t wonder what ‘ol boy or ‘ol girl is doing now, you don’t think about texting them during booty call hours. You know why? Because you sleep! Or you’re catching up on ‘Atlanta.’ We’re. Old.

How does one achieve emotional intimacy? Part of the problem is we don’t really understand what it is, because we really don’t understand ourselves, and how we need to be loved. Another issue is how difficult it is to really be transparent about who we are.

You gotta be okay with feeling feelings. Our generation is filled with fake thugs, acting like being unbothered is cool. Who you trying to fool? Your pain is apparent and it shows in various ways. We aren’t fooled by your snaps or your IG posts  We all have flaws, we all wanna walk around this world like nothing scares us. When in reality, we are so afraid of showing someone our true selves, and not being fully accepted or loved. If they leave, we blame ourselves, we shut ourselves off of getting close to anyone, we try to ‘fix’ ourselves. Stop. You are worthy and lovable, and this does not change whether you’re single or taken at this moment. You are still enough.

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‘You’re enough. You’re enough in friendships. You’re enough in love. And in the world. ‘- C.R.

When are we gonna have honest conversations on why it’s so damn hard to connect emotionally? Seriously. When are we gonna stop being afraid of telling the truth? What do we really have to lose? I’ll tell you what. Nothing. We’ve all gotten our hearts stomped on time and time again, and try as we might to give up on the possibility of finding love, we won’t. It simply isn’t in us. It’s  human nature to want to connect with someone in that way. All of us have said at one time or another, that we are done trying. But we’re not. The sooner you figure out what is holding you back from being intimate, the better for you. A warm body in your bed never will be enough and never has been enough.

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