I keep thinking about how much time we waste by making excuses about why we can’t be with each other. ‘We’re not where we need to be professionally.’We’re getting ourselves together.”We’re chilling.’
The majority of us are well on our way to 30. It’s true that today, more and more of us are putting off marriage and kids because life has gotten in the way. Whether it is a lackluster job market, student loans, a change in career paths, we are putting off settling down longer and longer. I definitely have changed my mind about this stuff. If you asked me where I would be at 28 ten years ago, I would’ve told you that I would be married with kids already. Now the idea of both at this moment, makes me cringe. It’s true that I want to progress financially and professionally. There’s still a lot of stuff I wanna do. However, there is a growing fear that collectively, we are all putting off falling in love and getting into relationships for different reasons. Fear. We are so worried about missing out on something or someone, that we make excuses upon excuses as to why we can’t commit. We settle for situationships and fuckbuddies and other ambiguous relationships because that seems safe and secure and easy. The truth is, we’re not happy, and it’s not enough. It will never be enough. We come up with different names for our non relationships, and the list has become exhaustive. All because we don’t want to be held accountable for how we’re conducting ourselves with the opposite sex.
Newsflash: that ‘situationship’, that ‘friends with benefits’ that ‘casual fling’ you are engaged in, is a form of a relationship. The feelings are real, the lines become muddied when you’re fighting like you’re together, going on dates, and introducing your ‘bae’ to your friends, you are in a relationship, title or not. I love when girls try to pretend to not care, for fear of looking ‘weak’ or ‘clingy’ or ‘crazy.’ Give me a fucking break. How many more years are we gonna continue to pretend like we don’t want a healthy, loving relationship with someone? How many more conversations are we gonna have about our one homegirl who is ‘kinda seeing’ so and so for 3+ years? Or your homeboy who has been talking about his fear of commitment forever? Guys, get it together. Stop crying over the girl that broke your heart 5 years ago. Move. On. Stop griping on social media about wanting an ‘Ayesha Curry’ when you aren’t Steph. Step your game up bruh,take a chance.
Aren’t you guys tired? The beauty of getting older, and becoming more secure in ourselves, is getting to a point where you don’t give a fuck about playing it cool. You are over the bullshit, over the games, and at least want to TRY at something real. Tell me, what’s the worst that could possibly happen? You waste time? You get your heart broken? You make yourself vulnerable? It doesn’t work out? How many times has all of these things already happened? And yet here you are, alive. Somehow you made it. Somehow you survived without that person, and in fact, you’re better off. The problem now is that you’re so afraid to TRY.
I can admit that I have been in that headspace. So exhausted/frustrated/jaded that trying just didn’t seem worth it. Except that ultimately, I’m a romantic at heart. I know for certain I will fall in love again, and it will be beautiful, and the love will be returned. I know for certain I will be married, with children. I know that I will look back on all of the failed relationships, all the fuckboys, and laugh, because they all led me to my special someone. I gotta believe that. You gotta believe it too. You gotta want to TRY. Too many amazing people to not have one person that is exactly for them.
I implore you, to TRY. For once, stop scaring yourself out of fulfilling relationships. Quit trying to be cool, laid back, stop being so fucking scared of being vulnerable. Beautiful things come out of that space, if you let them.