‘You’re allowed to be uncertain. Wandering freely is ok. Never doubt the possibilities of finding yourself, even when you’re feeling lost.’- A.E.
I’ve never been good at transition. I’m a planner by nature. I attribute that a lot to my upbringing. I was always taught to have a Plan A, Plan B, Plan C…you get the picture. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. These words are always in the back of my mind as I navigate my way through my 20s, by far the most confusing and unstable time in my life thus far. I always believed that if I planned enough, I could control the outcomes. That’s how it always worked…until it didn’t.
I’m discovering a lot about myself. I’ve hesitated with writing about this, but in reality, I can only write about things I know. On March 18, my life imploded. It seemed like everything that I had come to know about my life, my profession, my thought process, had all gone to shit. And this scared the hell out of me.
I remember feeling so conflicted, when IT happened. We’ll call it ‘the big shift.’ I was terrified that everything that I knew was a lie;everything wasn’t what I thought it should be. Imagine that. I remember feeling an immense sense of relief. If I’m honest, I haven’t been living my best self for a long time. I haven’t been taking care of my mind, my body, or my spirit. I let these archaic ideals about work and stability dictate how I was living. In reality, I think 50% of it is bullshit. I don’t always think you should just ‘work harder’ or ‘suck it up’ or ‘wait.’ I think that your heart knows when something isn’t right anymore. I think that self-care is largely overlooked, but is actually imperative for you to be effective in every aspect of your life. I also think, that as a child of immigrants, my parents didn’t have a choice. They had to work- work -work (no Rihanna). It was about survival, not pursuing your passions, and doing things that you love. Don’t get me wrong, hard work is important. But so is being happy. Being satisfied is important. I also think that overplanning doesn’t work. Being in your 20s is NOTHIN but transition, if we all can be completely honest with ourselves. My path has certainly not been straight, but it went exactly how it was supposed to go. Although this transition has not been easy (I’ve cried a lot ya’ll), I think I would do a disservice to myself if I didn’t realize the value.
I’ve learned that I appreciate being affirmed and valued, and that it is feasible, and important. I’ve learned that I love teaching. I have been encouraged and supported by so many members of my circle, and I have let friendships that no longer serve me go. I have spent more time writing. I have started running again, after a long absence. I have slept, and slept well. I also have had time to have some real ass conversations with my friends about transition. In reality, so many of us are going through some type of shift. Maybe you’re going through your Saturn Return as well. A big career change,death, health issues, ending/starting relationships, contemplating a big move, etc. All I know is, 28 is about creating the life you want for yourself. It is scary as hell, but it is also, so important. Now is the time to be completely focused and selfish on what it is you want. No one knows what’s the absolute BEST for you. In terms of both life, and love.
I know that I can’t waste any more energy on ‘what ifs’ and ‘we’ll sees’ when it comes to relationships. I know what I want, I deserve it, and until I get, it’s all about me. I’m doing the absolutely best for Mora, because I fucking deserve the very best. I have to give that to myself.
So for now,here’s what I’m doing. I am teaching. I am writing. I am having thoughtful discussions. I am listening to great music, eating shrimp tacos, and soaking up the long awaited warm weather. I am preparing for my next season. It is going to be filled with light and love and adventure.
I encourage all of my other readers to prepare for your season. It’s coming, and it is going to be incredible. You are going to fall in love, you are going to accomplish the things you want to, you are going to have adventures, you are going to create the life you deserve to live. Have faith, and take it one moment at a time. We’re all really in this together, and I can’t wait for the next chapter to begin.