Memoirs of a Break-up

Another riveting guest post from a young man who experienced the heartbreak of losing his first love. If you like what you read, let ya girl know!

From your first love, to your most recent one night stand, we have all had our fair share of relationship fails. Although some relationships may be more difficult to get over than others, we learn something new about ourselves from our previous significant others. Before you get to that point, you may suffer post traumatic stress syndrome sometime after your break-up. You may find yourself writing bionic rap lyrics, listening to every Drake and Jhene Aiko song, deleting old pictures, unfollowing and blocking this person on every social network, and telling every friend your side of the story. Yes, I too suffered from this depressing break—up. It was one of the lowest points of my life but through hard work and self-evaluation, I eventually overcame this depressing stage. Now, don’t get me wrong, it took an entire year to bounce back but once I got over it, I was back to my normal self. It took for me to reflect on the earliest memories of my previous relationship to understand how fate and destiny truly work. It was not for us to be together because the signs were already there from the very beginning. We both just ignored them. When I write, I like to provide real life scenarios so I can connect with my readers. So, the following story has never been shared with a wide audience. The reason I am sharing this story is to help anyone that was in a similar situation. About five years ago, I thought I met the love of my life.When we first met, there was an instant connection. We ironically started talking the day she found out her “boyfriend” was living a double life and had a few other “girlfriends.” A perfect opportunity for me, of course I was there to pick up the mess. She was very bubbly, pretty, and fun but she had a few insecurities under her belt. Now, we all have our own insecurities but hers were created by a previous relationship, so I thought. For me, I was a stranger to relationships since my last one was almost in high school. Yes, the struggle was real. So, the first quarter of our relationship was the hardest. Although we were still getting adjusted to each other’s personalities, it was a constant tug-o-war match of affection. She was so insecure from her previous relationship, that her expectations of me were a little too demanding. For example, she wanted me to check in at certain times in fear of me cheating, had attitudes when I went out with the homies, and hated most of my female friends. Since I was out of the relationship game for a while, I was a little less sensitive, partied a little too much, and was used to being independent, which often created problems. Once we overcame these problems, our relationship amazing. Over time, she eventually graduated from the school and moved to another state. Now, this state was not close but eight hours away. Needless to say, we were in love and we thought it could work. She had very high career dreams and always used the following foreshadowing statement to define her future, “Nothing would come between me and my dreams.” The key word is “nothing” and she meant that. As our relationship continued, I moved back to New Jersey and began working full-time. Every other month, I would take trips down to see her and support her career endeavors. Yes, this seems like such a great story. We have two black people that are actually in love, both supporting each other. Now, what happens when the support is not equally distributed? You have no relationship. I want to say around the third year of our relationship, things began to change. For instance, our five times a day phone calls quickly turned into once a day calls with little to no substance, conversations were shorter, and there was a less desire to see each other. On my end, I felt like my efforts were not being appreciated. Flying to another state is not cheap, but when you are flying for someone you care about, you will make the sacrifice. The key word is “sacrifice.” There is no need for me to go into detail but the final stage and beyond but our relationship did not survive. Of course we ended up parting ways on bad terms. I was devastated, especially since our relationship ended on poor communication and infidelity. What killed me even more was that I thought about marrying this girl, and saved for a ring. Now, let’s go back to my original discussion of fate and destiny. After taking a year to reevaluate the failed relationship, it finally hit me. We were never supposed to be together. Think about it, the signs were there from the beginning. The insecurities and selfish behavior from not just her, but from me as well. I started off selfish and she became selfish. She started off insecure, which made me become insecure. Although there were many nights of tears and heartache, we both went through this agony together and it served to teach us a lesson. The foundation of a successful relationship is created by three things, trust, vulnerability, and true love. You have to trust that your partner will not intentionally hurt you. Bring your walls down folks. If you want to be with that person, you have to trust them. This also can be said for the vulnerability factor. You both have to be vulnerable in order for it to work. Last but not least, you have to be “in love” with your partner. Now, you can love anyone including, your mom, sister, brother, dog, third grade teacher, but the person you are with…you will know how you really feel about them. You will know whether or not you are truly in love with them. It’s all about the way you talk to them, the way you look at them, and how you get butterflies every time their name is mentioned. All in all, my previous relationship was a lesson learned for me. In no way do I hate her anymore, I have learned to accept fate and destiny. Through our break-up so many great things have occurred that may have not happened if we were still together. Some great things have happened for her as well. I just used what I learned to put towards a new healthy relationship.

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