‘The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but not the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.’
I am back after overeating like shit at Thanksgiving, and spending the weekend sleeping, and reflecting. The year is drawing to a close, and I plan to write as much as possible.
I’m doing a lot of experimenting with this here blog, always striving to make it better, more interesting, more RELEVANT. Leaving no stone unturned, ya dig. Anyways, I’m on this guest blog tip, mainly because people’s stories are way more interesting than my own. This piece is about motherhood, and my homegirl was kind enough to share with me her story on being a single mom. I don’t know shit about being a mother, but do hope that one day (when I’m ready), I get to experience that kind of miracle. Until then, check this out:
‘Being a single mother is one of the roughest jobs on the planet. You become the true definition of a multi-tasker, being mom and dad to a child that depends on you for everything. I’m a single mother and have been for three years; to a beautiful bubbly little boy. Even though he wasn’t planned I’m blessed to have him, and have him call me mom.
Braylon’s dad and I met in college when I was in my sophomore year at ECU. We met through mutual friends, and we hung out became really close, almost like best friends. We eventually fell for one another. Although I was in school I became more focused on my relationship than my grades. We dated in North Carolina for about a year and some change. He told me he wanted to enlist in the navy, which I was okay with, especially growing up in a military family. So I had my mind set that whatever decision he made, I was all for it. A few days passed, and he tells me he has to move to San Antonio, TX. I was heartbroken, but hopeful that things could work. I started pulling away because I knew this long distance thing was not going to work. He enlisted, and a few days later, he asked me to go with him to San Antonio. I was reluctant at first, but my free- spirited self went with it. I called my mother and told her I was going. I left out the part that I was moving there, for I feared what she’d say. I packed up everything, and dropped out of college.
We drove to San Antonio because neither of us could afford the cost of plane tickets. I could but that required my mom’s help, so I passed. We pawned our computers and games to pay for the gas. Looking back, all of this was sounds so stupid. But one thing about me is when I give all of me to someone, that it. I’m down for whatever. After that twenty four hour drive, we arrived at his mom’s house. She was welcoming and very happy to meet me. She told me it was refreshing to see her son this happy. I never knew what she meant, until later on in our relationship. Months had passed and the relationship with my family was deteriorating slowly. I rarely called home and the only person I felt comfortable talking to was my older brother. Finally, a year had passed. Braylon’s father became more restless with the military enlisting process. His hunger for money soon surpassed his love for me. He became angry. He finally got a job at a movie theater, and things started to look up for us. He’d take me out and for a while everything was great. Then he’d start working later. My mom always said intuition was enough for a woman to know something is not right. One day he left his phone at home, and a girl called. She was confirming their date for that night. I felt nothing but heat radiating off of my face. I was angry, but not angry enough to pack my things. I confronted him and we ended up fighting. But I don’t mean with words; I meant physically fighting. That was the first time I had ever been punched in the face by a man.
The beatings became more frequent and I became numb to the pain. Another year had passed and the final straw was very near. He came home an hour late from work, and I already knew what was going on. I started packing my things, and not a word was said. I tried to avoid him at all costs that night. Suddenly, he began fighting with me, except this time the altercation became more physical than before. To have a man you loved force himself on you; the pain is indescribably. I have no words or thoughts for that moment, but I had to get out and fast.
The next morning he went to work. I packed all my things and I got the hell out of there. I pawned my laptop I had gotten from school. During my time I was in San Antonio, I had enrolled back in school. I used the money from my laptop for my gas to get back to North Carolina. Yep, I drove back alone. The anger, betrayal, disappointment fueled me on that drive.
I finally got to my parents’ house. Having to explain to them what had happened to me in the last two years was devastating. That’s wasn’t the life they had envisioned for me. About a month had passed and the calls from San Antonio were not stopping. I became sick and my body began changing. I knew something was up. I took a pregnancy test, and it was positive. My denial made me take four more, and they all said ‘positive.’ I eventually got a job at Target. During that time, I hid my pregnancy. I remember calling my cousin Natalia to tell her I was pregnant. She was the first person I told, and I’ll never forget her words, “you’re going to have to grow some tough skin.” I didn’t have the support I truly needed in the beginning.
I remember telling my dad I was pregnant. We were watching the game on television and after the game my mom made me tell him. I broke down and told him what I had been hiding for months. To have him say he loved me, had my back and that we’d get through this together, was all I needed to hear. To go through pregnancy and birth alone taught me to be strong, and I have another life that’s depending on me. However, my decision to be a single mother was not by choice. I escaped abuse from the person I thought would be there and make a good father. My son and I were practically abandoned and I was forced into it. Unlike most I wouldn’t have it any other way. Being a mom is the best thing I’ve ever done. I think being a single mother has made me a lot stronger than I ever thought I could be. My little one motivates me. He made me realize that I’m not only fighting for my survival, but for his as well. I wake up and go to two jobs just to make sure we have everything we could ever need or want. I don’t think there is any better feeling in the world than to come home to someone who gives kisses, hugs, and looks at you like you’re the best person in the world. He will never know the many sacrifices I’ve made just so he can eat. Single mothers sacrifice; real single mothers sacrifice. We go without so our children can have their own. I’ve gone a week without lunch just so I can afford diapers.
As much as it is tough, it’s also very rewarding. You come home to more love than you could imagine. Yes I’m a single mother, but I also have help. My family supports me when I need it. Even though my son doesn’t have a father he has wonderful male figures; my boyfriend in particular. Being a single parent isn’t a death wish. I like to think of it as a lesson in strength. This experience taught me to love hard but only on my own terms; to be patient, for good things take time. It also taught me to guard my heart and not be so trusting of words, and not actions. Lastly, it taught me that my son is here for a reason and without him I wouldn’t be the woman I am today.’
Also, remember to check my spreecast out, ‘The Secret’s Out, Tuesdays/9:45pm eastern time. Peep the link: