“There are certain people who are meant to remain in your past. I made a mistake trying to repurpose you.” – Hannah,Girls
I used to think I was good at letting things go. I had always thought that I was a forgiving person, and that people took advantage of that. I had a wonderful revelation today, and I attribute this to having a rather insightful conversation with my best friend about the past year or so about our friendship. Over the course of the conversation, I realized that although our friendship had changed, she was still the same person. She had forgiven me for the way I had treated her because our friendship was evolving into something new and foreign, and yet I had not forgiven her for hurting my feelings. It dawned on me, that I kept saying out loud for months that I was over it, but internally I was holding on to hurt feelings. It wasn’t helping me, it was actually stunting my growth. I was so quick to stay angry, instead of embracing that change was happening, the friendship was changing, and that it didn’t necessarily mean the end. In fact, it may mean a new level of understanding between us.
I was thinking, that this is similar to dealing with the opposite sex. Every one of us, no matter what gender, has been hurt at one time or another. We try and move forward into a new space with someone new, and we’re trying to bring suitcases of emotional baggage with us, hoping that person will be able to handle all that, or even wants to. Think about this. How many times have you as a guy, stated that you were not ready for a relationship because of an ex? Sometimes the breakup was a few weeks ago, sometimes it was years ago. The point is, you are wasting time and energy harboring hurt and pain from a previous relationship, as if that will change something in your life. The person you are so busy resenting and cursing to the gods, has already moved on. They actually don’t care that you hate them. So not only are you wasting moments, as if you HAVE all of these moments to waste on someone who stopped giving a damn….you are more than likely sabotaging the blossoming of something new and genuine in your future. You’re thinking that maybe you should have fought harder for her, maybe if you hadn’t cheated, or if you had been more attentive….stop. You are no longer with this person, because their purpose in your life has already been served. Whether it ended badly or not, you learned something. Whether it was a hard truth about yourself, or whether it is the kind of girl you are attracting. It was not a waste, because you had to go through that, to get to where you are now. No point in going backwards, you can’t get to the best kind of relationship if you continue to try and grab on to what was familiar;it is no longer yours to have.
Us girls love to bash the exes. We live for that shit. It may be over drinks at the bar, it may be over popcorn at girls’ night with ‘Waiting to Exhale’ blaring in the background. This may be entertaining for awhile, but at some point, it becomes counterproductive. While you’re sitting around complaining about every male that did you wrong, you’re permeating the universe with negativity, blocking your potential new relationship from transpiring. Hurt people hurt people. You must forgive those who have hurt you, and you must forgive yourself for continuing to harbor the hurt and pain, which has stopped you from getting to the next phase of your life. I am guilty of holding on to hurt feelings, and lying to myself. You must examine the internal conflict you have in order to project the image you want people to perceive. You must be love, to attract love. That sounds corny and shit, but it’s true. I know that I must forgive the last guy I was involved with, in order for me to start anew. I was so busy trying to hold on to him, when in reality he is not meant for this new space I am embarking upon in my life. I have no business dragging him there. I have no business dragging any hurt or pain from ANY relationship into something new. It’s unfair to you, who deserves ALL of the happiness and love the world has to offer, and it is unfair to the new someone who is waiting to love all the parts of you. Be good to yourself.Embrace the hurt, examine it, accept it and work through it.Forgive to move forward.