It’s August in case you guys didn’t know. That’s fuckin’ crazy how fast time is going…how fast life is going. I was thinking about the last two summers.. and in both instances, there has been significant life events that have changed my way of thinking drastically. I’m about to go ham right now, because I don’t give a damn about exposing myself to you people. You still read this, so maybe something I say resonates in some way to you. Last summer, I had a procedure done on my cervix, that completely changed my view of my body and the way I felt about sex. This summer, I had a client commit suicide, and completely changed my view about life. For the first time, I really thought about the idea of death. I thought about all of the things I wanted to do before I pass, and I thought all the things wrong with how we function in this world. I spent the past weekend celebrating a good friend’s birthday, and of course these occasions bring all people from all over together. I had the opportunity to meet a bunch of his friends, the majority of which had a significant other or love interest. Throughout the course of the weekend, I got to observe the different dynamics of relationships, and the mistakes and miscommunication that were constantly occurring. It was honestly baffling, how we relate to each other as opposite sexes. I know that at times, women can bash men and complain about all the things they AREN’T doing. But for the first time, I realized how much we as women fuck up. I mean REALLY fuck up. There was a twosome that seemed to be very much into each other. This guy had driven hours and hours to see his long distance love, in hopes of making it official with her. I learned quickly that she had reservations because of the distance, and because of that, has declined his offer of commitment. This is a guy who is literally traveling HOURS to see her for a day or two. Who continues to ask for commitment, even though she’s already said no multiple times. I looked at her like she was honestly insane. Here you have a guy completely enamored with you, taking your bullshit and crazy, traveling for you, and you’re only reservation is that you’re AFRAID? That’s bullshit. Girls can’t even get guys to visit them in the same state, let alone across county lines. Girls get so fearful they fuck up a good thing, as it’s happening, and I have no sympathy for that. Scenario Two: girl starts talking to a guy, and he is essentially letting his entire guard down, letting her in, a rare thing for him. Girl fucks it up by closing up, shutting him out, and instead makes demands of him. This is actually the WORST thing you can do. One, you can’t make demands when you’ve only known homeboy for five minutes. Two, you want him to make himself vulnerable and share, but you don’t want to share? How is that fair? It’s not. Now you gotta start again from scratch, and DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO GET A MAN TO TRUST YOU WITH HIS FEELINGS?!smh,Lord. Third scenario: single girl cries about how single she is, but tells every guy she meets she does not want kids or marriage. So, what exactly is he supposed to do with you? Easy, fuck you. That’s it, that’s all. Why are you surprised that he doesn’t want a relationship with you? Guys don’t wife girls because they expect to break up. That’s a waste of time, effort, and money. Even if you as a female aren’t sure about marriage or kids, why do you need to share that right this second? At least be open to the idea, because honestly, none of us know what the future holds. We are all just living and breathing one day at a time, stop trying to write your future out. It never turns out exactly the way you plan it, so calm that down. In my opinion, old girl is scared because she’s never been in a serious relationship, and is scared because it is a foreign idea to her. FEAR, PEOPLE.
I think that I’m finally arriving at a place, where I can admit that I am not a robot. I have feelings, I have loved, I have lost, I have been hurt, I have cried over someone special. I am a human being. I have put myself out there. I’m still here though, I am still alive, I am still willing and able to give love to someone else, and I still want to, even in times of frustration. I can’t say that I have ever truly given up on the idea of falling in love, and being loved. I think that girls needs to stop being scared all the time, just because we’re worried about the outcome. You’re not guaranteed years and years to find love. All you can be sure of is the present. If you are fortunate to meet someone special, embrace that shit. No matter the outcome, it is not a waste of time, to get to know someone, to love them good and bad, to FEEL. It’s never a mistake to feel. What is the point of being on this Earth, if we keep our real selves locked away all the time?
But hey, what do I know? I’m just a single black female, trying to make it out in these streets.