Cuddle season isn’t even real when you’re this old. Let’s think about it. When you were in college, you always had at least the main joint who you could rely on after drunken nights at your favorite bar. You would sober up enough, just enough to text he or she, knowing that they would answer, and the night’s festivities would commence. If you were smooth enough, you might even have like three backups in case the main is fucking up. Fast forward to post grad, adult life.
It’s Friday. This used to mean something. Pregaming at 9ish, eating something light so you don’t feel bloated in that too tight dress, squeezing into those heels and pray to Jesus that you have some fast flats stashed in your closet somewhere. Now? You just got off of work. You have the option of going out…..but you’re pretty behind on Breaking Bad, and that frozen pizza is looking pretty enticing. Plus it’s been a long week, and homegirl is exhausted. You are absolutely thrilled to curl up on the couch with your boyfriend Netflix and overeat for the rest of the night.
As far as cuddle buddies, these are harder to come by when you’re a mid-twenty something. For one, the pool of eligible, STD-free men and women are harder to come by. If you’re like me, you are secretly paranoid that any stranger you meet is a potential serial killer pedophile rapist….with herpes. Also, in order to meet a potential cuddler, you have to go OUT. You know how it is when it’s cold! The idea of standing around, in uncomfortable shoes, attempting to connect with randos, only to end up shivering on your way home, alone, walking to the subway. Sounds unappetizing.
Another issue is, no one is really looking for just a spooning partner. I don’t care who you are, at this age, you’re looking for something a little more. Maybe someone to spoon with and take to dinner, or the movies. We’re getting older folks. In the back of your mind, you have thought at least once, if this new person is someone you could really invest in, in and outside the bedroom. That’s how you know you’re too old for cuffing season.
So how does one combat this oppressive, made-up holiday our peers tend to buy into each and every change of season? Stop caring so goddamn much. You’re YOUNG, don’t let anybody feed you bullshit that if you spend this season alone, you’re a worthless loser. You are not. You can do whatever the hell you want to do, because you don’t owe anybody anything. Spend this time getting to know who you are, and what you have to offer the world. Do all the things that you’ve been talking about doing forever. What are you waiting for? You will meet someone when the season is right, cuffing season or not. Relax, get a grip, enjoy your life.