I like Beyoncé. Not in a creepy, stalker way. But I dig her music, I probably have a few of her songs on the Ipod, ya know, the usual. Plus she’s pretty much winning at life, with Jay-Z as her husband, ridiculous amounts of endorsement deals, and a truly successful music career. But I don’t think I ever really listened to the lyrics before, until the other day. I was coming home, mad sweaty from the gym (you know ya girl was putting in work!), and the ipod was on shuffle. Suddenly, ‘Irreplaceable’ comes on, and I was struck by these words:

‘But since I’m not your everything, how about I be ‘nothing’
Nothing at all to you. Baby, I won’t shed a tear.’

Damn. I started to think about all the time we as humans, waste, thinking and pining over members of the opposite sex that don’t really care about us. All of us has made the mistake of holding out for someone, praying that somehow it works out, and you get exactly what you need and want from them. In reality, there is always a sign or inclination, that it’s not going to work, and that it’s not worth it. But we as humans are hard headed, especially when it comes to matters of the heart.

I recently started a personal journey, over the past few weeks. I was experiencing a lot of stress at my current place of employment, a lot of chaos was happening in my personal life, and overall, I was feeling lost. I decided that I needed to take time to work on myself. My mind, body, and spirit needed a serious lift in the worst way. The best thing about being in your 20s, is that there is always room to start again. Whether that means moving somewhere where no one knows your name, or chopping off all your hair. In my case, it was the latter. I started with the body. I decided to stop wasting so much money on braids and weaves, and go back to basics. I won’t say that it was easy, because as a female, especially a black female, hair is a large part of our physical identity. But I decided that I wanted to start fresh. So I cut it off, and honestly, I feel…free.

Next, the spirit. Recently I started going to church. I finally found a place where I could worship amongst others who believed what I believed, and it felt amazing. I’m not here to push church on anyone, but praying was not enough for me, and I knew that going back to church was something I wanted to explore.

Finally, my mind. I deleted everyone in my phone that I felt was contributing to my life in a negative way. The majority of those unfortunate souls were old guys I used to date, but still had a hold on me. If I was going to be the best version of myself, I needed to rid myself of excess baggage. Let’s just say, my contacts are considerably lower these days, and that’s cool.

Irreplaceable is not just a dope Beyoncé song. The lyrics reflect what we as people need to do, when it comes to dealing with matters of the heart. Stop wasting time on individuals who bring you nothing but pain and heartache. Stop pining over someone who doesn’t pine for you in the same way. Stop making excuses for bad behavior. You know exactly what you deserve. You are smart, wonderful, and beautiful, and they would be lucky to be in your presence, let alone have a chance to be with you. Remember that. Remind yourself of that. Sometimes, self-love is the best love we can give ourselves. Work on being the best version of you, because when you are at your best, the love you want and desire will be drawn to you.

Live long and prosper, people.

Signed,
always_mlove