Wake up, Wake up! It’s the First of the Month! I have been having a plethora of revelations and realizations about life, especially when it comes to the opposite sex. I had a conversation with my homegirl about great first dates. Now everyone has had at least one really memorable date. The sparks were flying, the mood was right, and it seemed like this could be the start of something really good. You told your closest girls how great he was, how PERFECT the date was, and how you can’t wait to see him again. And the inevitable happens………he doesn’t call.
Not only does he not call, he does not text. In fact, you never hear from him again. You’re left wondering, what happened? You thought everything was great, and the chemistry was there… but you never get an answer. Now you look stupid, because you gassed it up and now there’s nothing to talk about. The struggle.
What is really unfortunate about being single, is people always expect you to be optimistic. “Girl, you’re gonna find someone! You’re great! You just can’t give up!” blah blah blah. I think this is hilarious and unreasonable. Lets say you go on several first dates. They all go swimmingly, or so you think, and you don’t get any second dates. First thing you’re gonna do is overanalyze and nitpick every single possible thing that YOU could’ve done wrong. Maybe that dress wasn’t the right color. “Did my breath stink? I shouldn’t have made that comment about his height. I should’ve let him hit. I shouldn’t have let him hit.” On and on, driving yourself crazy. When in reality, he didn’t call for the simple fact that maybe he changed his mind. Or he just wanted to fuck. OR he wasn’t really that into you. IT may not be anything that you did per se. The problem is we never ask why. We accept the fact that we have gotten rejected.
If you think about it, the first date is very similar to the first job interview. You dress to impress, you have all the things in your mind that you want to say or lay out on the table. You go on the interview, and everything seems pretty solid. The company seems to really be feeling you, and you anticipate a second interview, and eventually the job. Or in relationship terms, you anticipate a second date and eventually the start of a steady relationship. When you don’t get a second interview, you analyze the shit out of everything. I should’ve worn a skirt instead of slacks. I should’ve used different references. I should’ve worn my hair differently. The difference between an interview and a relationship prospect is sometimes you will follow up and ask why. The problem is, do you really want to know why? Think about it. All of the boys who have never called you back, do you really want to know why? Would it really change anything? In my opinion, it wouldn’t because there is a reason they aren’t in your life anymore. They weren’t meant to be.
What people in relationships need to understand, is that the single struggle is so much more complex than they think. It is very difficult to NOT anticipate, the end of the relationship. Because as awesome as it seems to be going, there is always a chance that the rug could get pulled out from under you at any time. It always makes me surprised that couples are so incredibly secure that their significant other will never leave. How do you know that, definitively? We all know the divorce rates these days. One of my co-workers was married for 17 years, and never thought she would be dating again. She’s 41 years old. But Susie over here has been dating Johnnie for 4.5 months and is convinced he’s ‘the one’ and they are gonna be together forever. I don’t know about all that, Susie. You always have to remain grounded. I feel like that’s why having good friends is so important.. they provide some sort of consistency in the uncertainty that is life. When you’re down they hold you up and put you back together again. In reality, as women, it’s not really in our hands….whether there’s a second date or not. If he wants to get to know you better and wants to take you out, he will ask you out again. Same thing if he’s ready for a relationship….I look at couples around me, and all of them seem to have formed on the guy’s terms. i say that loosely, because it’s strictly an observation. He decided he didn’t want to just bone anymore….he wanted a gf. Voila, there you were, and now you’re in love and stuff. I think that point is overlooked constantly. No matter how bad you want to be in a relationship, it cannot be forced. Both parties have to agree and want it. None of us really know how to date or snag a boyfriend and whatnot. There’s no surefire methodology or step by step formula. It’s a process, as is everything in life. You just have to ride the wave and hope for the best, whether you go on 1 great date, or 17 amazing dates, or you’re dating for 12 months, or you’re married for 5 years. All you can do is trust and have faith that things will work out.