Lately, I’ve been thinking about starting over. Perhaps because over the past month I have undergone a plethora of changes in my own life. Or perhaps it’s because it’s the beginning of a new season. Dating season that is. I don’t know what it is about summer in the city that makes it come alive and makes people think about love and dating and all that other mushy shit. Personally, summer in the city is my favorite, and I’ll tell you why. It’s hot out, I don’t have to wear a thousand layers, everyone is outside all the time till the wee hours of the morning, and there’s so much to do. I feel like everyone feels a little more confident and sexy when the warm weather approaches, but that’s just me. ANYWAY, I digress.
If you’re a single person, summer is the perfect time to start over. You got those fresh summer clothes you spent your entire paycheck on, got a little more free time on your hands, and maybe you been working it out at the gym so you don’t look like a walrus in your new bathing suit. Everything seems right, except……starting over is HARD. Let me tell you why it’s hard. If you haven’t had the best of luck with the opposite sex, starting over and meeting someone new may seem like a daunting task. You feel like you’ve already done this before, over and over again. The emotional timer is permanently on, because you’ve convinced yourself on the off chance that someone is nice, that they won’t stick around. Also, it’s a lot of work getting to know someone on an intimate level emotionally and physically. Think about it. I personally feel that it’s hard to really make real and true friends the older you get. You most likely have established your crew from college or high school, and they already know everything about you. Imagine having to recite your life story to a potential boo, only to have them disappear on you weeks later, and all your friends are like, “what happened to _________?” Embarassing, right? Now imagine doing that multiple times with someone new. It gets exhausting.
Another reason it’s hard to start over is that everyone has a theory and ways you should approach a new situation. “Don’t sleep with him on the first date.” “Be yourself.” “Don’t be so aggressive.” “Be forward.” “ Don’t expect anything.” “ Let him know where you stand from jump.” Don’t you ever just feel like telling the peanut gallery to shut the HELL UP?! Because to be honest, no one has the correct textbook answer and the perfect way to start something new with a potential boo. Everyone has arrived in their current situation with the opposite sex in various ways. And most likely, it was by chance and opportunity that you arrived where you’re at, whether you are dating or in a committed relationship. So do us a single people a favor, and stop giving us advice. Let us live. We may be recovering from the last blow to the heart, or working up the courage to try again. Just support, don’t steer. Don’t speak, just listen. That’s all we really want in the first place.
Settling is also a problem when starting over. If you’ve been in the dating game for a long time, you may be tired of going out and meeting people. Maybe the next person you meet that seems nice enough will be the one you settle down with. All because you’re tired of dating. STOP. We are quickly approaching our mid twenties in case you haven’t noticed. There is no time to waste dating someone for years just because you didn’t want to be alone. Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you should take what approaches you first. Cool out with that. I know way to many of my friends who have wasted time on people that were all wrong for them. Starting over is even harder when you know you shouldn’t have been with this person in the first place.
What needs to be valued is the actual difficulty of starting over and putting yourself out there. It isn’t easy and it takes a lot to try again after you’ve been disappointed. Although it’s necessary in order to move forward, we may have to give ourselves a kick in a pants and a pep talk before stepping out onto the dating scene once again. Don’t rush us.
I also wanted to take time to say thanks to everyone who reads my blog. I want people to understand, this is not about me giving advice to single people like myself, in their 20s, who are educated individuals living in the city. At least, not for me. It’s much more than that. It’s just a forum for me to share my thoughts about the world and how it works and how we interact with one another. All the shit I say on here, is just thoughts that I have that I don’t necessarily have the space to share with the world on a day to day basis. And for some reason you give a damn. So thank you. I appreciate you stopping by, and always welcome ideas, criticisms, and general thoughts on anything I put on this piece. I hope you keep reading. 🙂