Chivalry’s Dead- R.I.P.

I have some news: chivalry might be dead folks. That’s right, I said it. Now before you get all up on your soapbox, let me get on mine. I have noticed many a male complaining about paying for a girl on date. I was honestly in shock. Since when did it become a question as to whether or not a guy PAYS? I’ll tell you why I’m surprised. Because my father raised me to believe that a man should always be chivalrous towards a woman. This means holding the door, pulling out her chair, and PAYING when out on a date. Call me old fashioned, but just because it’s 2012, doesn’t mean that certain things need to be changed. Tweaked yes, but totally REVERSED? Absolutely not.

There’s a woman at my job who’s been engaged for a year and some change. I’m at the copying machine, making some copies, and she’s telling she wants to call it off. This woman doesn’t even wear her engagement ring out, so I already knew there was trouble. She says she’s calling it off, because he’s not being the man he should be. When I asked her what that meant, she explained that when they first started dating, she felt that she should always pick up the tab. You know she was an ‘independent woman’, she made her own money, she could afford it. She went on to say it affected her relationship, because she always took control, he felt that he didn’t have to do much to keep her. She felt that if she had established what she wanted and expected at the beginning, things wouldn’t have turned out this way. Now she’s officially ‘single’ again. WHOMP.

Ladies, ladiiesssssssss! First of all, just because you’re ‘independent’ doesn’t mean that it’s wrong for a man to take care of you. This idea has gotten women into trouble when getting into relationships. All of a sudden we feel like we have something to prove. I don’t care how ‘independent’ you are, every woman likes that a guy wants to take care of her, and wine & dine her. This doesn’t make you WEAK, get that stupid idea out of your head. It just means that you can handle your own, regardless of whether or not you are in a relationship. AND just because you like to take of a woman doesn’t make you WEAK as a man either. It means you were raised to be a gentleman. Ladies,  you have to let the man know what you want from the beginning. That way you won’t waste 4 years of your life, and get engaged, only to end up single again! The problem with the ‘getting to know you’ phase, is that both parties are not being honest about their expectations. Guys, if you want a girl that is willing to spoil you, make that clear. If she’s with it, cool. If not, move on. Ladies, make it clear about what you want, what you expect when dating, and if he seems like he’s down, let’s get to know him. Either way, no one is confused about the expectations, and no one wastes any time. After all, tomorrow isn’t guaranteed, and by the time you’re in your mid 20s, ‘casually’ dating may not seem so appealing anymore.

Now I know from a man’s point of view, it seems unfair. Why should you have to pay for everything? You got bills too, and student loans for Pete’s sake! And if she makes money she should pick up the tab too! You have a valid point. And I do believe that after a few dates, you could go halfsies on the bill, to be fair. BUT you should keep in mind a few things:

  1. A first date is like an audition

I’m serious. We’re taking mental notes. What you’re wearing, whether you’re holding the door for us, if you’re good at making conversation, and lastly, if you’re going to pay. It says something about you, that you want to take care of us and you CAN. We need that reassurance that if this does go somewhere you got us. Trust me, if you don’t make a good impression, you won’t be hearing from us again.

I had a girlfriend who went on a first date with a guy and everything was going well…..until the bill came. The bill laid in the middle of the table for a good 15 minutes… and finally he says ‘ look I mean, this bill is 86 dollars, and I’m kinda broke, so could you pay?” -____________-

Is this real? What kind of impression are you trying to make? That you’re cheap, and that you cannot afford to please a woman? Not to mention, tacky. Newsflash: if YOU ask a girl on a date, expect to pay. Don’t act brand new when you see the waitress comin around with the damn bill.

2. This could be your future boo/girlfriend/wife

This could literally be your future something. All of us aren’t lucky enough to meet people we really connect with. And you’re gonna blow it because you can’t spend $40 on dinner? I guess you like being alone huh? Keep in mind that in order to meet your future wife, you’re gonna have to put into some work. It’s not about the money. It shows what you’re willing to DO for a girl you like. You expect that your girl cooks for you if you two are an item right? And gives you some on the regular? And pampers you, all that ‘Cater 2 U’ Destiny’s Child bullsh*t? Well you gotta put in WORK then!  If you’re gonna be this lazy in the beginning, you won’t even make it down the aisle.

I say, let’s compromise. Guys, you get the first date. After that it’s negotiable. Deal? OR she can pay the tip.  If she’s worth anything, you shouldn’t hesitate to spend money on her.

Moving On….

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