“we spend so much money in gifts for people who get married and have kids because it’s socially accceptable…but no one celebrates being successful, happy, and single. Our society believes that a childless, single woman is an unsuccessful woman.”
When I first moved to the city, I had a college friend who also moved around the same time. It was great, because we both picked up our lives and were starting fresh. We were young, single, and ready to paint the town red. We were pretty close in college, and had the same mutual group of friends. Over the past couple of months, everyone had started pairing off, and suddenly we were the two single musketeers in our all female rat pack. We complained about how some of the girls had changed, and had a few girls’ nights, exploring the city. We wondered why we were still single, and joked often about how we could be roomies if we were still single thirty years from now (so dramatic).
Everything’s cool…until she gets a boyfriend. Suddenly, everything must be done in couples. Couples retreats, date night, couples, couples, couples. Facebook albums dedicated to all of the super cool coupley adventures. All of a sudden you’re not getting hit up to go out anymore, texts are not being returned. Why? Because all of your friends are dating and you’re *gasp* SINGLE. Oh.
So what happens when all of your friends are dating, and you’re still single? Now this is not a pity party for those who are single. This is reality. Things change when people you spend most of your time with, now are sharing their time with their significant other. They are not as accessible to you, and this can be somewhat of an adjustment you gotta make. Let’s be honest, people. You never wanna be the third wheel when out with your friend and their significant other.
Things that are Annoying:
“Oh me and Charlie are gonna catch a movie….you should come.”
-Um no, I do NOT wanna go to the movies, so I can stuff my face with high calorie movie snacks while you and your snuffywuffybear neck during the entire film. Whomp.
“Oh yeah, I’m totally down for girls’ night….can Steve come?”
– What part of ‘girls’ night’ did you not understand? Girls’ night= no penises allowed.
“Oh my God, me and Darnell are not that bad. We’re fun when we go out.”
– If you call making out the entire night, and leaving early because you’re ‘tired’, then yes, you guys are fucking awesome to hang out with.
I think it’s cool that people are finding love and all that. I’m no hater. I just think that couples need to have more respect for their single friends, and vice versa. If you are in a relationship, that’s amazing. I wish you all the luck in the world. Don’t be obnoxious. Talking about how amazing he or she is, on the phone with them 24/7, dedicated all of your tweets, facebook statuses, and instagram photos to your boo boo cakes. You’re annoying. Understand that everyone does not need to know all about your relationship, and people might wanna talk about other things besides the fact, that you are no longer single.
On the other hand, single people need to understand that just because your buddies are pairing off and falling in love, does not mean that your friendship is over. It may just mean that more communication is needed when you wanna spend time with your friend one on one. Or, it may mean that you need to find a replacement wingman.
Now I talked to a male friend of mine who has been in a relationship for two years and some change. His relationship in my opinion is the healthiest exhibition of balancing both being a couple and having friends, I have ever seen. He says it’s important that both you and your boo have their own friends. He’s cool with her friends, but is understanding if she wants to have alone time with them, and vice versa. If they do go to social functions together, they make sure to mingle and interact with other people besides each other. BRILLIANT. Let me explain to you why this is important.
If you’re single, and have always had the same team, or the same wingman for social gatherings, it can be a huge blow socially, if they suddenly are less available. It’s even more of a challenge if you have a strong bond with this person. You wanna be their supportive cheerleader, but you have needs too. Going to the club alone is not what’s hot in the streets. What’s a single person to do at this point?
1- Make more friends
I’m serious, not even trying to be funny. But as a single 20-something, it’s important that if you are still waiting for love to find you, you need a wingman in case you meet your Mr. amazing or Mrs. Right at starbucks or barnes&noble. I am fortunate that I have a few single friends that I can vent to or rage with if need be. But for others, the search for an exceptional wingman poses a challenge. You need someone who’s a ride or die. Someone who you can count on to do fun activities with and someone who can take the ugly friend in the heat of the moment. These are hard to come by. Trust me, I had the ultimate wingman in college, and it took a minute to find a suitable replacement. But I digress.
2- Be explicit about what you want/need
If you value the friendship you have with this person, and feel that this is reciprocated, talk to them. When you wanna have girls’ night/boys’ night, make it clear that it is strictly a no boyfriend/girlfriend night. Schedule a lunch or dinner, just the two of you. Hopefully this person is receptive, and at most, at least you can say that you made a concerted effort.
As we grow older, our friendship circle begins to shrink. Now, this is not necessarily a bad thing, because it weeds out the lames that aren’t down for the cause. But it’s important to consider how complicated shit really gets when you’re older. What I have noticed, in discussing with my comrades, is that the girl seems to take the L in terms of losing her friends, when she gets into a relationship. Think about it. When you’re married, shit gets in the way of spending time with your bffs. Now you got kids, you gotta husband, and a job to worry about, and socializing takes a hard backburner. I’ll use my mother as an example. At 50, she has started to realize the importance of making time for herself, and hanging out with other women her age. She’s been married for 25 years, and didn’t have any close girlfriends. C’mon guys. We all think about getting married one day, but we never think about how life-changing these steps are in terms of our friendships. When you think about relationships that have faded or been severed, I guarantee it wasn’t with who you thought it would be. All I’m saying is don’t forget about the people who were there for you when you were crying in your jammies complaining about ending up alone, as soon as you find love. At the end of the day, everyone needs friends, even people in relationships.