I used to have a hard time with forgiveness. I would hold on to the feelings of disappointment, anger, and sadness when I felt wronged. I would fool myself into thinking I was over it, I moved past it. But anytime the person or the topic resurfaced, I would allow myself to be brought back into that negative space. I can say, looking back, I was an unhappy person and in that way, attracted that energy into my life.

I get asked a lot about how I manage my emotions now, because life doesn’t stop being difficult. Life ebbs and flows, there’s always going to be moments that will try you. There will always be people who will try you. The two things that I keep in mind is to 1) give people the benefit of the doubt. 2) Forgive. The last one was the hardest for me to learn. Over time, I realized how damaging holding on to negative feelings can be for your being. It effects everything: your mood, your health, your mind. You attract that negativity, and it’s overall a shitty space to be in. I had to start with people I loved. I’ve always had a complicated relationship with my father. But by learning to forgive, learning to communicate (and a lot of crying), we managed to repair our relationship, and are the healthiest we have ever been. Love you Pops!

The topic of forgiveness has come up in recent conversations, and it has left me thinking a lot about how people process their past relationships. I’ve come to the conclusion that there are so many people who have problems forgiving. In my opinion, if you can’t talk about someone you used to date without reading them to filth, you’re. not. over. it. You’re not. What purpose does that serve you? Stalking their social media, making fun of their new partner, telling anyone who will listen how shitty they were to you, and how you feel sorry for whoever they end up with. For whom are you doing this for? Let me give you the real. While you’re bashing your ex, they are off happy AF, with their new bae, not thinking about you  AT ALL. They don’t care anymore, they not checking for you in the slightest. So who’s really ‘winning’ here? I’ll tell you who. The one who is too busy being happy, living their best life.

We all have enough common sense to know that we, ourselves, change over the years. Is that a fair statement? Like, none of us are the same person we were a month ago, six months ago, a year ago. And we wouldn’t want anyone to treat us the same, or put us in that same box. That would be a disservice. Yet we assume that anyone we ever dated is EXACTLY the same person we left them as. Impossible. Maybe they’re shittier, that’s always a possibility. OR, maybe they have completely turned themselves around.  Maybe I’m naive in thinking that everyone is capable of changing for the better, or that people can grow up. Call it optimism. I just know that there’s no way in hell anybody can tell ME I’m the same person I was a year ago. Nah fam. Everyday I’m striving to be a better version of myself. Even if I have a bad day, I know there’s always the chance to try again the next day. Growth is a commitment I made to myself, and without committing to being better, there is no way I could have a healthy, satisfying romantic relationship. That’s the problem, guys. We are so busy holding on to the hurt, instead of just letting it GO. Stop talking about some ninja that hurt you 3 years ago. Forgive her for cheating on you. Figure out how to heal from the pain of a broken heart. But let. it. go. You will never move on to better, if you’re still dwelling on what happened in the past. No one is saying it’s easy. Hell, I have been embarrassed, broken hearted, angry, bitter, sad. But you don’t forgive for the benefit of the other person. You practice forgiveness, in order to heal yourself. FORGIVE yourself for entertaining bullshit, for not ending a relationship that was unhealthy. FORGIVE that person for breaking your heart. FORGIVE yourself for not taking better care of you, because we have all neglected ourselves at times for the sake of love. FORGIVE everyone who has wronged you in some way, and be at peace. It is only when you have reached this point, that you can experience true joy and happiness. I tell ya, nothing satisfies me more than seeing someone from the past, and feeling absolutely nothing. Not anger, not bitterness, not anything. I truly wish everyone that has ever hurt me well, and that includes the men I’ve dated.

One more thing. Stop bashing your current bae/ex baes on social media. It’s childish AF, and you look small for doing that. Keep your business private, because ya’ll look hella dumb talking all that mess, and then making so and so your #MCM the next week. Cut it out, and forgive.

Be well.