We’re keeping with the theme of ‘Dating Honest’ after getting such positive feedback from that post. I appreciate all of you who read it, you da best!
This post is written anonymously by a fellow creative, along the same lines of loving who you want without give a damn, and being true to yourself. Dating honest, indeed. Check it out!
I met her at a bar I frequent at; so frequent it’s practically my living room. She was drawing animations and I observed her persona. She was an introvert. Someone who kept to herself and had the inability to trust strangers. She was a silent one with a lot on her mind. She was dapper. She was serene with a permanent stoic demeanor. I imagined she was a silent storm and I wanted to find out. Unfortunately, I couldn’t because I was “still straight.” Not only was I straight-I was seeing a man who also frequents at the same bar. I let go of these irregular feelings after I ran into him later that night. All thoughts of her and the way her presence made me feel were put behind me.
I ran into her two more times after that at the same bar; suddenly, it was cordial. I was always excited to see her and I barely knew her. Actually, I had absolutely no idea who she was. It didn’t matter. It was temporary fulfillment. I was happy.
Soon after, the inconsistency of my current lover began to drive me mad. One minute he was into me as I was into him, the next it was unclear. I seldom times cried in private, vented to my friends, yelled at him randomly without being genuinely transparent with my emotions; it was a mess. I soon became fed up with continuously putting myself in unconventional situations where my lovers made me feel small for developing feelings. I finally acknowledged I had fell in love with this person and was unapologetic because I’m human. By the time I decided I was in love, I took action to mentally cut him off.
The day I decided I no longer wanted him, I ran into her again. It was the first time we had a genuine conversation and I liked her timid laugh. She was feminine but had a masculinity about her that I found strangely attractive. I had no idea what I was getting myself into but I didn’t care. I didn’t think about my sexuality or my inexperience with dating women. My mind was free and my heart was open. I liked her.
Since that day, we spent everyday together. For the past few months, she has been my everything. Emotional energy came soaring in fast causing us to yell at each other, cry with each other, and tell each other our deepest secrets. I’ve never dealt with someone else’s emotions; all the men I’ve ever been with were too cool to express them. It was a lot for me to handle and I spent hours sometimes wondering if this was for me. And yet, she’s still here.
She became my best friend and lover; the most fulfilling experience I have ever received from another human being. I loved her. Our sexual encounters came natural to me; I didn’t feel uncomfortable. It didn’t matter she had the same anatomical build as me. I liked her and because of that, all I cared about (and still do) was making her feel good. Emotionally, it has been one of the greatest sexual experiences.
So what does this mean? Does this mean I’m lesbian now? Due to this experience, will society suddenly classify me as a bisexual?
My confidence in my heterosexuality is why it was so effortless for me to explore territory unfamiliar to me. Do I consider myself suddenly attracted to women? No. Just her. And with good reason. This woman taught me how to love and not be afraid of being forthcoming with my feelings. She explored parts of my body I didn’t even know felt good. She introduced me to a new world of vulnerability.
I’m grateful of going through such a wonderful experience with her. And if we were to mutually decide the relationship will no longer work, and I brought home my new boyfriend to Momma, I would still cherish her for the rest of my life.