“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.”
Man. I’ve been having a hard time writing things down, because I’ve been too busy participating. Learning, observing, feeling, being. All the things. But I had to stop and write down things that I am picking up along the way.
Actually participating in the dating game can be exhausting and draining if you allow it to be. The thing we all have to remember is that there is a purpose for everything happening in your life, and that there is also something to be learned.
No one ever talks about the hard parts. I’m watching the people around me navigate their own love journeys and it’s not always picture perfect. Sometimes, love is ugly. Sometimes it hurts a lot, sometimes it’s unbearable. No one talks about the battle between letting go and holding on. Or the fear that it was all for nothing, the fear of regret. No one talks about the unhappy endings, because they happen too.You work so hard for those really amazing moments, but it’s all work. To sustain it, to nurture it, to really invest in something worthwhile. Most importantly, no one talks about how you change as a person.
1.There is a difference between writing about it and experiencing it. Sometimes it’s hard to articulate, because it’s so many emotions.
2.Navigating your emotions is hard. Advocating for what you want can be hard.
3.Dating is legit a 3rd job. In addition to adulting and working.
4. Be honest with yourself, and what you want. Faking it can lead to unnecessary hurt feelings and ultimately, you can end up looking like an asshole.
5.Don’t get lost in it, because you were a person before you became a ‘we.’
6.You are lovable and capable and so very talented (yes, you).
7.Remind yourself how much you’ve grown and how much growing there is still to do.
8.Have faith that regardless of if this person is here for a season or a lifetime, there is always a lesson.Maybe to learn patience. To understand love. To understand what you deserve and want.
9.Sometimes that person’s purpose is to show you how to love. What it would take.
Also how much work are you willing to put in. To make it happen.
10.How resilient are you? Can you still believe in love even when it hasn’t worked out in your favor?How FAST can you bounce back?
11.Own what you really want and not doubting that you deserve it. All of it.
12.Don’t ever compare relationships. Give the new person the benefit of the doubt. When they show you who you are, believe them.
13.Girls will ask each other for advice but ultimately they will do whatever they want.THAT’S a motherfuckin fact.
14.None of us know what the fuck we’re doing. Even the ‘successful’ couples. It just happened because it was supposed to.
There was no rhyme or reason, it was just the right time and the right place with the right person. That’s. It. Seriously, I really only ask my mom for love advice these days. She’s been married for 35 years. Like we look to each other for guidance but we’re all actually lost. We make up we break up, we fall in and out of love and even when things are going well we still are apprehensive about shit.
The future, the next week, the next month with this person. Are you gonna meet my friends? What about holidays? When do we have the ‘so’ convo? What about living together? Perpetually stressed.
Always remember that all of this is part of growth. Just gotta own it. Even its hurts sometimes.