You Don’t Believe in Love.

“Women are great at work and school, they believe in hard work and are confident that they can excel because these things follow a “do-to-get” outline. Do it like this—get this. Love, however, doesn’t follow any outline. You can talk to a guy and text him for weeks, he doesn’t have to reward you with a real date. You can date a guy for months, he doesn’t have to reward you with a title. You can invest years with a man, he doesn’t have to reward you with marriage. You can even have his kid, he won’t even reward you with his heart. You can follow all kinds of do-to-get life rules, but love is the one thing that will take years of your life and leave you with nothing to show for it.”

You ever read something, and it literally makes you stop in your tracks? Like blows your whole shit, and leaves you feeling completely dumbfounded?Just happened.

shockedblackwoman

I’ve been stuck lately on what’s next….what’s next for the blog, how do I want to expand, do I want to do another event soon, what’s the summer looking like, what am I eating for dinner? All the questions.

So I decided to go back to basics. Reading up on all things pertaining to love and relationships, having lots of meaningful convos with both sexes on the subject, listening to thought provoking music, all of the above.

I stumbled across an article entitled, ‘ Men Don’t Love Women Like You’  that literally had me sit up straight. It talked about women not being confident enough in themselves to be in a relationship, because they don’t believe they can be successful at love. It says a lot of things, but it really made me think about conversations I had been having over the past few weeks.

It’s become more common than anything to complain about the state of dating today. Almost the cool thing to be is jaded and somewhat cynical about finding the right one. The seemingly most confident women on your timelines and in your newsfeeds are considering freezing their eggs as a precaution, and lining up back up boos just in case this flavor of the week doesn’t work out. When you hear that your homegirl is seeing someone new, in the back of your mind, you’re praying that it works out, but you really really don’t BELIEVE it will.

Where did we get so fucked up that these thoughts are so commonplace now? A guy I had a conversation with the other night made a great point. He said, ‘ you rarely hear about the good parts of a relationship. People spend more time on what’s wrong, what went wrong.’ That is so fucking true. Both genders spend so much time complaining about what the opposite sex is not doing, constantly searching for the next person because so- and-so is fucking up, and we’re not going to get played. What are we really doing? It’s far less interesting to, I don’t know, figure out what’s wrong, and work through it, or end it. Instead we’ll one up our current bae so that the breakup is less painful, the blow is less severe, and we still come out ‘on top.’ Whatever that means.

How is it, that we are so confident in our own inabilities to have a successful, loving relationship? We go back to old flames, stay dealing with the same fuckboys, or settle for casual flings because that’s what we know. But yet year after year, we have no idea, why we are in the same position we were the year prior. YOU HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING DIFFERENTLY. 

YOU have met shiny new fuckboys, YOU have matched with new Tinder fails, YOU have tried to work it out with old bae for the 70th time, and yet YOU don’t know why you’re still single. You never wanted a happy ending. You never believed you deserved one.

“She who believes, achieves, the problem is most “she’s” don’t actually believe they have what it takes to be successful at love. They hope, they pray, they prop themselves up on false confidence and pretend…but they don’t believe.”

We could try something else right now. Perhaps actually BELIEVING that everything we actually want can and will happen. Stop perpetuating so much negativity when it comes to the opposite sex. Stop complaining, and stop preparing for failure. Thoughts become behaviors, and if you want to grow in this area of your life, maybe you should actually do some self-reflecting. Perhaps you can’t cultivate something real because you don’t even believe that it can be real.

                     

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