Love, the Adult Version.

                    ‘ I think my fear is that it won’t feel as good as what I remember.’


My sister is in love. Well the puppy love that is only real and true when you’re young. There’s a boy that has been in love with her since kindergarten, and after they attended junior prom, she started to look at him differently. She called me frantic, demanding to know what she should text him next, emojis or naw?! And how to stop thinking about him everyday.

As I listened to her, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of envy. How pure and honest your first love is! It’s not that I don’t believe I’ll fall in love again, I just know that it’ll never be the same as the first time.

Fast forward to now. I’ve been round tabling a lot over the past few weeks, and it seems to me that many of my homegirls are asking themselves the same questions I mull over. We’re older now, our wants and needs are different than in our younger days. We recognize when it’s just sex, or when it’s just lust. But when do realize that it’s love?

Spring is here. For those of you who still believe in cuffing season, maybe shit is drying up with your current Netflix and chill partner. Maybe you were in a relationship, and now it’s over. Maybe you’ve started seeing someone new and things are going swimmingly. OR you’re rethinking your situationships, and are ready to have the ‘so’ conversation( so where is this going, etc). Whatever your situation looks like, shifts are happening.

With the change in season, it’s a great time for self reflection. After weeks and weeks of confusion, stress, and apprehension, I can finally sit back and really evaluate what’s next. I have a new apartment, a new job, a new roommate. Now I’m thinking, what’s next? I’m soaking up the next few weeks of freedom, and spending time doing the things I love.

These conversations have raised a lot of questions for me. I’m starting to recognize that many people my age, can’t quite get a handle on what love is. What it looks like now, and how you know that you are in love. I’m wondering why that is, when did we get lost trying to find it, and what does it mean for future relationships?

‘If i’m willing to share every penny I have with this person, it’s real. You look forward to everything about them; spending time with them, talking to them. No matter how bad/messed up they are, they will ALWAYS want to change. They will change because they love you so much. ‘- Mom Dukes

‘He tells me he loves me everyday, even if we get in an argument we make sure we don’t go to bed angry and we appreciate each other. We talk about our future and don’t see our future without each other.’-j.wu

(i just love my potus and flotus!)

“I loved Barack just the way he was. Our life before moving to Washington was filled with simple joys. Saturdays at soccer games, Sundays at Grandma’s house. And a date night for Barack and me was either dinner or a movie, because as an exhausted mom, I couldn’t stay awake for both. He was still the guy who’d picked me up for our dates in a car that was so rusted out, I could actually see the pavement going by through a hole in the passenger-side door.”– Michelle on Barack

‘It’s a feeling that you never felt before. You thought you have in others, but with the one, it’s a much different feeling and you just know then and there that you don’t want anyone else.’-D.Virgo

A lot of us are confused and uncertain about what it will be like when love happens. We’re so busy trying to put our own lives together, and the idea of building a life with someone may seem far away, or impossible even. It’s natural to feel nostalgic about past loves, but I think the key is to be open minded about what this new love will look like. It may not look the same, or feel the same. But it will be authentic, and you will love that person in all  the ways that you couldn’t love anyone else. You’ll just ‘know.’


‘Love is bigger than you are. You can invite love, but you cannot dictate how, when, and where love expresses itself. You can choose to surrender to love, or not, but in the end love strikes like lightening, unpredictable and irrefutable. You can even find yourself loving people you don’t like at all. Love does not come with conditions, stipulations, addenda, or codes. Like the sun, love radiates independently of our fears and desires.’


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