I know what you’re thinking. What the hell is she talking about? Man, I’m learning new things everyday, and I will admit I’m not well versed in polyamory. I had the opportunity to discuss with my homegirl about this topic, and let’s just say my eyes were opened. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
What is Polyamory?
Polyamory (from Greek πολύ poly, “many, several”, and Latin amor, “love“) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of intimate relationships that are not exclusive with respect to other sexual or intimate relationships, with knowledge and consent of everyone involved. It has been described as “consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy“, and may or may not include polysexuality (attraction towards multiple genders or sexes).
What are the rules?
- No starting a new relationship without telling your partner.
- No dating someone your partner doesn’t approve of.
- No bare backing or fluid bonding with someone without talking it over with your partners
- None of the usual stuff that would count as cheating in a monogamous relationship
I know how easy it is to write this sort of relationship off. A lot of people don’t understand it, are not open to it, and frown upon it. But what I’ve come to learn, after having lots and lots of conversations about sex over the past few weeks, is that a lot of us are fairly close-minded about sex and sexuality. We rely so heavily on our upbringing, on what OTHERS think, yet we don’t even give ourselves space to form our own opinions. Everything is not for everybody, and always say worry about what’s going on in your bedroom, not everyone else’s bedroom.
Shae talks at length about not being comfortable at first with the idea of polyamory. It was a foreign concept to her, and definitely unconventional in terms of dating. However, she knew her partner grew up in a community where polyamory was common and accepted. She understood that her partner had observed positive experiences from relatives involved in a polyamorous relationship and wanted to mirror this in his own life. So she decided that she would try.
But first, you must find the ideal third member. Everyone has to be on the same page, everyone has to understand what the relationship will look like, and this is no easy feat. Shae shared that the first female she and her partner tried to date, ended up becoming overwhelmed and jealous. Understandable, not every female is open to sharing their special someone with someone else, and you know women is catty as all hell!
So they decided to try it again, this time finding a successful third, a woman that had been friends with her boo for some time, and significantly more open about the idea of a polyamorous relationship. Shae was able to meet up with her over Thanksgiving, and they instantly clicked.
So what is so different about this type of relationship than a traditional monogamous twosome? What are the perks? Shae shared that the dynamic was different. ‘We all keep in touch, we all share the same email chain. I feel like not only do I have a lover in my male partner, but I also have someone else who cares about me, someone I can confide in. There’s an honest friendship with her, and it actually feels way more balanced. For example, what if I come home and I don’t feel like doing laundry or making dinner? I now have two people who can take care of that, so I don’t have to.’
Shae shared how being in a polyamorous relationship has changed her views on relationships.’ Everyone looks at love selfishly, when you think about it. We all think that there is one right way to love someone, one right way to have a relationship. When in reality, everyone loves and functions differently. I definitely think I could do this long term, I definitely see usmarried with kids. It’s still a new concept with me, and I am definitely still learning. ‘
SO interesting. That’s all for now guys, Happy Holidays and allat!