I started to think about my own limitations in the realm of love. I think the hardest part of starting over, is getting over the fear, and setting higher expectations for myself. Resisting the urge to run and hide, when the ‘good guy’ appears, and I don’t know what to do with him. Just like you have all overlooked, sabotaged, and ignored the good mates when they present themselves.
Sometimes you have been entertaining the wrong thing for so long, you can’t imagine what ‘good’ looks like. By ‘good’ I mean dating someone who complements you, makes you feel good, and is consistent. We’ve gotten to the point where we think that someone being kind to us, and showing us consistent attention is ‘weird.’ Constant communication is ‘ thirsty’ and someone who shows genuine interest scares you. What has the world come to, where the idea of falling in love is frightening?
Recognizing this thought pattern means that you need to take time to figure out why you attract who you attract. You may need time to re-learn what is good/healthy for you, because some of ya’ll don’t know what that looks like.You have all these ideas about what your ideal mate should be like, but maybe what you THINK you want, is not what you NEED. We’re all getting older, and it’s time to own up to our mistakes, learn from them, and grow. Put yourself in a position to meet someone good, by letting go of bad habits.
Things to Remember When Getting Back in the Dating Game:
-If your potential mate tells you that they don’t want a relationship at the beginning, don’t try to be in one. They just told you what they want, stupid!
-Don’t be so pressed to speak to them every waking moment. Keep in touch but it should be both parties making efforts to see each other and communicate.
-If someone shows you who they are, believe them. Actions speak louder than words, pay attention! Don’t question them until they give you a reason to.
-Don’t be afraid to let your potential boo know what you want early. And be sure of what you want, don’t just say shit because it sounds good. Say it and mean it.
-Don’t let fear mess a good thing up. If something feels good, looks good, and is improving your life, embrace that shit.
-If you don’t like something, say it. The early months are when habits form. So establish all of that in the beginning; you’ll frustrate yourself trying to change things later.
It’s really all about being confident in your worth, and only entertaining people who recognize it. We’re not dating just to date anymore. This isn’t high school, we are looking for life partners here.
Here’s your assignment. Write down a list, and divide into two columns. One list should be what qualities you want in a mate. Nothing shallow like ‘ has to make six figures.’ I’m thinking more like ‘ kind, loyal, honest.’ Then on other side, what makes you a good potential make. Sorry to break it to ya’ll, but not all of you have things to offer. Self-evaluation is a valuable skill, and you really need to look in the mirror and ask yourself, ‘ what can I bring to the table?’
You should approach every potential romantic partner with this list in the back of your mind. I’m not saying your boo will be every single thing on the list. But they should possess a majority of the qualities you want. This also helps to get rid of guys/girls that match your old patterns. You gotta catch the warning signs/red flags earlier, now that you know better.
Boom, you’re welcome.