Hello Lovers and Friends!
I’m writing to you from the confines of grandma’s blanket, nursing what might be the worst cold I’ve ever had. Fuck winter, right? Anyways, the opportunity to write a little something presented itself, so here it is. Let’s catch up.
Recently, I’ve begun the process of dating again. I feel like I was definitely in some sort of rut the past few months, licking my wounds, and thinking of infinite reasons why I should never actually get close to another member of the male species again. But of course, time passes, and you realize that the only way to get out of the rut is to get back on the horse. I’ve been reflecting on the past year, and the past relationships I’ve had. I realized that the same ambition and perseverance that I apply to my professional career, I have to use the same drive in my romantic life. So I set out to make shit happen.
I met a guy. numbers were exchanged. A date was set. Easy, right?
Until, the evening approached, beads of sweat pooled down my back, as I rushed to make the set time, going to the wrong avenue twice, and arriving at my destination out of breath and sweaty. Until I realized how incredibly shy I am when I’m not drunk. Until I realized….I have no idea how to date as an adult.
Think about it. When you’re in college, you don’t REALLY ‘date. ‘At least not in the conventional way. You’re not being formally asked to dinner, or waiting a few dates in to hold hands or kiss. No one’s legitimately courting anybody. It actually went a little something like this:
You meet guy/girl. Maybe it’s at a frat party, or through your roommate, or in the dining halls. Whatever. Somehow you start running into each other more often. One evening, you’re heading out with the homies, and decide to pregame at so and so’s dorm. You’re nervous because he/she is there. Might take one too many shots, but fuck it. Later in the evening you muster up the courage to talk to him/her. You’re drunk so you’re naturally smooth. You guys hit off, an awkward sloppy makeout occurs, and basically you guys go together at this point. The next few months, maybe years, are spent sleeping at each other’s dorm rooms, sharing mealpoints in the common areas, and an occasional ‘fancy’ dinner at olive garden or applebees. Then you’re a couple.
That doesn’t actually work in adult world. First of all, if this is a complete stranger, you don’t already have that common ground to start with, like going to the same college. You don’t know their friends, you have no idea about their family, nothing. You’re legit starting from the bottom. That is intimidating as hell. Think about how long it took you to really know you’re friends. Years, and years. Before now, you never really had to start from the beginning, because most likely a guy you liked in college probably knew one of you’re friends already.
Not to mention, sober dates. This sounds terrible, but in our generation ‘going to get drinks’ is a common ‘first date’ occurrence. It’s not a bad thing, I mean we’re in our 20s. We spend the weekdays at jobs we may or may not hate, we’re struggling to pay bills, be responsible, plan ahead, make sure the house is clean, blah blah. Sometimes you wanna get plastered one night a week just to feel like a college kid again. The problem is, the ‘going to get drinks’ thing is so common, that no one ever tries to actually get to know each other first, before getting trashed in front of a potential mate. That’s a problem in my opinion. I consider myself to be pretty sociable, and friendly. But it had been quite some time that I went out with someone, and just talked. It was enlightening, and scary at the same time.
There’s a point to this ramble I promise. In order to get different results, to attain a level of success in this love game, you have to TRY things that make you uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable makes you grow, makes you better. After all the awkward shit in the beginning, I would say that the date was successful, and there are plans in place for a second one. I encourage all of my readers to try it out, see how it feels. I look forward to making myself even more uncomfortable in hopes of obtaining the relationship I desire. To be continued.