ALL the Things Your Girl Won’t Do….in front of you.

It took me awhile to post this, because I didn’t know if other people would find this funny. Then I remembered….that I don’t give a f!ck.

Last week I was babysitting, and Girl Code came on. For those of you too old to watch MTV, it’s basically a panel of women talking about the weird, awkward, and funny shit girls do when dealing with the opposite sex. Personally, I find Guy Code way funnier, because it’s always interesting to understand how the male counterpart thinks. But I decided to watch it anyway. There was one segment on farting in front of your lover that I found to be absolutely hilarious. This inspired me to ask my girlfriends who are involved with someone, if they are comfortable farting in front of their love. I’ve never laughed that hard in my life. I talked to my one homegirl , who has been dating her boyfriend for about two years. When asked if she’s cool with flatulating in front of her boo, she stated that sometimes it happens, but it still feels strange. Now as far as shitting at his apartment, she stated that ‘when she’s gotta go, she’s gotta go.’ I found this to be hilarious. One, because everyone knows that when you have to go, it’s hard to hold that shit in….no pun intended. You’re stomach starts to hurt, and then you’re distracted trying to be cute and coy while you’re insides are ready to explode. Two, because it’s so hilarious that lengths we as girls will go to continue to appear feminine and cute. We really try to convince these men that we don’t fart, burp, shit, throw up, cough, sneeze, drool, etc. Why?!

My other homegirl had me weak. It literally is one of the most embarrassing things that can happen when you’re staying at your boo’s house. Everyone knows that after a night of heavy drinking, the liquor shits are a must in the morning. One has to cleanse the system, ya dig? She stated that after a crazy night of booze and fornication, her stomach was doing backflips. Only it wasn’t a regular poop, it was full blown diarrhea. She jumped out of bed, and flew to the bathroom. How terrible!! What if he wanted to have morning sex??Now you can’t because you can’t control your bowels, and the stench alone is a mood killer. Tragic.

After this hilarious convo, I decided to ask guys their input. I was actually a little disappointed in the responses I received. My homeboy had a girlfriend for about three years, and stated that it was a huge turnoff and I quote “gross” when she would fart in front of him. When I asked another male friend, he stated that he didn’t know how he would feel, but perhaps if he and his partner had been together for awhile, he would be more accepting.
MY thing is this: why do guys think that we’re robots? We burp, fart, shit, and do other gross things just like you do! The whole point of finding that special someone is that you’re able to do all those embarrassing things, and they STILL want to be around you! I’m not waiting for my soulmate, just so that I have to constantly be on my p’s and q’s when you’re around. That’s not real. I’ll admit something to you guys. I look gross in the morning. I don’t know what girl looks awesome as soon as her eyes open, but it’s not me. My hair’s a mess, I most likely have morning breath, and there may be drool. GET OVER IT. If you really love me, you’ll accept me even when I don’t look a million bucks. That’s love. AND ANOTHER THING. My parents have been married for 27 years, and fart in front of each other with no fucks given. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.

If you have to censor yourself in front of your partner, I have to question the validity of your relationship. It’s not just about farts. It’s about being 100% yourself all the time with the person who should love you no matter what. I’m not saying fart in front of your lover 24/7, or stop shaving/brushing your teeth. I’m saying if it happens, it happens. We’re all human.

Guys, in case you don’t know, us girls fart. We poop, we get gas, all of that. The longer you’re dating someone, the more likely you will find this out. Try not to be grossed out about it, because it’s a natural part of life.

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