“ I have always fallen for Unavailable guys.. Not in the sense that they were with someone but their hearts were already taken.”
Oh, are you still reading?! Well, I should probably write something then..
I think it’s important to be totally honest about my ‘status’ and my feelings about dating, love, and the bullshit in between. Currently I am single, although I can’t really say if it’s by choice or not. I think I’d like to date, but I’m still recovering from a pretty bad blow to the heart. I’m sure we’ve all been there. You put yourself out there, and it doesn’t turn out the way you want. You convinced yourself you’d be fine either way (bullshit), and when the unthinkable happens….it fucking sucks. I’m talking sweatpants, no makeup, bingeing on high calorie snacks, all that. Telling your friends ‘I really just need to focus on myself/work/school right now (also bullshit).”Netflix becomes your permanent boyfriend, the old standby. Sad. I wouldn’t say I’m cynical about love. What’s the word I’m looking for? Fearful. Fearful of getting hurt again. One of my friends told me once that ‘women forget pain.’ It’s true. We still want the fairytale, no matter how many times we’ve been hurt. I’m no exception. I still want the fairytale, I still want to be in love. It’s just taking me longer than others to meet my prince charming. In the meantime, I’m hibernating and nursing my wounds.
According to the Masses, Being Single Means…
Free. Introspective. Open-Ended. Rollercoaster. Empowering. Why (You’re always questioning yourself). Lonely.
Let’s talk about you beautiful, single people. What is it really like being single and educated in 2012? It’s really very complex, mainly because as a 20-something you’re all over the place. Some of us are working, or back in school, or traveling, or living at home with the rents trying to save money. All of us have different experiences about jumping into the dating world as a postgrad.
One single 20-something shared a wonderful story about her experiences dating in DC. Apparently her International Politics major did her some good both in and out of the classroom. She met her current boyfriend at the Congressional Black Caucus, which I found so interesting. She changed the places she frequented, going from hood clubs to more upscale venues. Also, she definitely met more guys at networking events, who were on the same level as her in terms of education and ambition. She says she’s really happy in her current relationship, and says that trying new things and visiting new places led her to him. Cheers to that.
HOWEVER, not every girl has had such wonderful luck with the opposite sex after college. I talked to one of my girl friends who says that dating has been tough after moving back home. Think about it; you go back to your hometown, where most likely all of your friends have moved on to bigger and better things, and the pool of potential men is virtually zero. I can definitely attest to that. I’m from the burbs, and don’t really bang with anyone from high school anymore. So there’s definitely no potential places to meet anyone my age in that area. To complicate things further, my girl is Dominican, and comes from a traditional, strict household. As a child of Nigerian parents, I definitely know the struggle. Too many rules, too many restrictions= the ultimate dating cockblock.
So what’s a single girl to do? Well my friends, it’s important to consider realistic changes in order to put yourself in a position to meet potential mates.
Now this is easier said than done. We all have student loans to worry about. But, people do it all the time. They find jobs, they pick up and start a new life. I’m not saying move tomorrow, but really consider it over the next 6 months to a year, about a change of scenery. And in the meantime, you can start your job search, just to see if it’s really feasible. You didn’t get that degree for nothing.
2- Change your hangouts
You can’t expect to meet someone new and interesting if you go to the same spots every single weekend. Why not do something completely different, like a spoken word event or an art museum. One of my homegirls has met lots of potential at the gym.
3- Get a friend to set you up
In my opinion the best way to meet someone interesting is through a mutual friend. You need that buffer, someone who can tell you if he’s an asshole, or a potential serial killer. Also, if he’s friends with your friends, you already have things in common. My best friend met her current boyfriend at a houseparty.
I by no means am an expert, but I do think it’s important to consider doing things differently. You’re welcome.
2 thoughts on “Young Twenty- Somethings & The Dating Scene”
I’m single by choice, right now. I’m kinda lovin’ it.
Sadly, though, I’ve discovered I have a thing for the “unavailable” man. It’s a bad pattern, b/c I set myself up for failure this way. It’s like welcoming rejection, while running from it. Apparently, people who have issues allowing themselves to be intimate (mainly, emotionally) with a potential mate, are the ones who seek out someone who is unavailable because they want to have that closeness, but not get too close. If they’re unavailable for reasons like they are dating/married to someone else, or they live in an entire other state/country, it’s even easier for you to not have to get emotionally intimate.
Meeting the “right” person is all about timing. I feel like I have changed up my social scene, but have still come across men who don’t have themselves together. Every guy is “busy” doing absolutely nothing and so they have excuses as to why they can’t take you on a date, return your phone call, or make any time for you. I believe that until that guy decides he wants to be in a relationship it does not matter how great you are. If he’s not ready, he’s not ready and you shouldn’t waste your time.
And let’s not forget that men no longer court women. If you are interested you can’t wait around hoping he’ll notice you. There are so many guys out there in their 20s who refuse to approach a woman first so even if he is attracted to you he will remain silent and wait for your move. It’s frustrating, but if you really want to be in a relationship you have to take action. Once you’re in the right social setting to meet the right caliber of men you have to take the first step in initiating communication too or you’ll be left single and lonely.