Let’s take a minute to talk about fuckboys. Now this may be a sensitive topic of discussion…if you are one. If you aren’t then you have nothing to worry about it. But since many females encounter them, it’s important to spend time having an honest discussion about this population.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the term, allow me to define it for you:

A male who encompasses these qualities:

•unfocused

• lazy 

– let’s make this clear: degrees do not always correlate to ambition. We all know people who just made it through college, and were there because they couldn’t think of anything else to do. It’s a business after all, and the focus isn’t necessarily on the value of learning. Some just become professional students because they can’t think of anything else to do/ scared to become a real person. In fact, in some instances, those with nontraditional education have a better work ethic.

• complacency

– it is baffling to me how anyone can be complacent in their 20s. We are in our prime folks. Literally can do whatever the fuck we want, and for some reason, ‘having a job’ is enough. What about career? What about continuous advancement? No one is their absolute BEST in their 20s and its a problem if you think this is the best YOU you can be.

• overly self-indulgent 

What did you do to deserve brunch every single weekend? Did you work hard for those new Jordan’s? How do you have the freshest gear but you can’t pay your student loans on time? You got money for weed, but your phone is off? The answer isn’t always ‘treat yo self,’ buddy.

• emotionally unavailable 

In my opinion, you have no business dating, if you have entirely too much emotional baggage.  Your next bae isn’t interested in being your therapist/cheerleader. She’s too busy flourishing, don’t interrupt her greatness with your mommy issues. Figure out the best way to let that go, move on, THEN consider getting back out there.

• lack of self- awareness       

You know when you don’t have your shit together. Maybe you’re behind on bills, maybe you’re considering going back to school, maybe you’re unhappy. Whatever it is, make sure you’re where you need to be for YOU. Don’t bring anyone else into your stuff, it’s not fair to either of you. It’s important to make sure you’re happy and well in life before sharing that with a partner. Sure, at times there will be unforeseen struggles you may have to deal with together. But not at the beginning.

• poor self-efficacy

The first issue is if you read that, and didn’t know what it meant. Essentially, you’re unaware of your own strengths and abilities. You’re so afraid to challenge and push yourself to your greatest potential. Before anyone can support you and cheer you on, YOU gotta be your biggest fan. Know you’re fucking amazing and everyone else will believe it too. Don’t rely on someone else to validate you, it’s unattractive.

We are not gonna limit this to men. Girls can fall into this category as well. We’ll refer to them as fuck girls or ain’t shit females. 

These are the females that are so focused on getting into a relationship, they don’t take any time to ensure that they are actually worth dating.

In my opinion, a woman should know how to do things for herself. Cook, clean, kill spiders, put together an IKEA table, pay bills, do laundry, etc. A woman should have her own ambitions and goals, and should be financially stable. I know quite a few women who neglect all of this, and wonder why their relationships are failing. GIRL. GET.IT.TOGETHER. Ain’t nobody care that you have 5 degrees but can’t boil water. It’s not cute that your apartment is a mess and you have $25 in your account. Focus on being the best you, the most stable you, before you try and date. It makes me laugh when girls cite their accolades as the reason they are dateable. Nah, girl. I’m gonna need you to take time and re-assess. It’s super important to be aware of your flaws, and accept them. It’s also important to be able to voice them. You aren’t for everyone, but you are the right person for the right one.  It’s ridiculous, at some point we gotta stop blaming our parents and complaining about how adulting sucks. We’re adults, it’s happening, get used to it. But don’t be in these streets thinking you deserve the world, and you won’t even give yourself the world.

If you encounter any female or male with these qualities, RUN. You’re better than this! You’ve been warned. #CarryOn

Best,

Always_Mlove