Re-learning How to Love


‘Being 100% honest is the most important part of cultivating a relationship.’ I mulled over this line, after watching yet  another romantic comedy, ‘What If.’ If you decided to watch it, it’s another attempt for Daniel Radcliffe to shake his Harry Potter persona and become a more versatile actor. Had a lot of poignant moments though, so definitely worth watching.

I consider this to be a relationship, you and me. Some of ya’ll been rocking with me since the beginning, when I started AnOpenSecret. I consider my writing to be very important, an outlet to be my most authentic self. I think that is needed in the world. But in reality, I haven’t always been 100% honest. For various reasons, I don’t always talk about my own struggles, or frustrations on my love journey. Sometimes I forget why I started this blog. It initially was a space I created to vent about the struggles of dating in the city. Three years later, it has manifested into something so much more than that. It has become an open forum for both men and women to discuss the difficulties of communicating with each other, the frustrations of trying to connect, and a space to cultivate better ways to love. This blog has afforded me the opportunity to meet and discuss all things related to love and relationships with all types of people. But part of this work, is to be completely transparent. So i’m going to be completely real ya’ll, if I’m honest with myself, it has been a difficult few months. I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety and stress in my line of work, that has made it difficult for me to write and share. I have felt frustrations on my own love journey, and have not always shared that. It’s not easy, and at times, you will falter and question. But that is real, that is honest, that is what this blog is about, fundamentally. I never want to imply that this shit is easy. It’s not, AT ALL. We all are continuing to learn and love, regardless of whether you are in a relationship or not. The journey never ends.

I actually witnessed this with my own parents recently. My dad currently lives in California, and has been doing the long distance thing with my mom for the past few months. Now, my parents are established in the game, they been married for 30 years now. One would think that the distance wouldn’t be that bad, since they’ve been together for so long. I can tell that it has been difficult for them both. So a few weeks ago, my dad was in Jersey for a business trip, and was supposed to come in for a day and fly back out. He calls me at work, and shared that he was on his way home to surprise my mom for the weekend.

When I tell you, my mother and sister cried so much, when they saw him standing on the doorstep. He shared that there was no fighting over the weekend, that my mom was really over the moon that he surprised her. He said ‘ if that’s what it takes to keep this going, maybe I should do this more often.’ Prime example that you are never too old to love better. That is what keeps me going on this journey.

So this is what I’ve been doing. I had to take time to get back to myself. Re-learn how to be optimistic about the idea of falling in love. Begin to get excited about the prospect of sharing my heart with someone. Slowly and surely, I am coming back to myself. Like forreal, it’s going to be hella DOPE when I meet him. I know it, and I want to be in a healthy head space to receive that love. As I’ve said in countless posts, you can fuck up a good thing if you aren’t ready for it. You can ruin something beautiful if you haven’t faced your own shit.  I am cultivating new ways to share this energy with the people around me, because ultimately, to receive love, you have to radiate love. You have to be that light, in a world that could really use a lot more love. It’s important that I share this with you, because this is REAL. LOVE is my passion, it’s not a hobby or just something to talk about. It is a large part of my existence. I literally work to heal the broken parts of people, I work to create a space in my work where my clients can begin to love themselves again. To believe that love exists in a world that hasn’t always been good to them. This is my life. I can’t write about it and not apply it to myself. I can’t dialogue with ya’ll if I know deep in my heart, I don’t believe in it.

Self love is so important ya’ll. It has nothing to do with being cocky or obnoxious. It is important to feel the very best about you, and what you have to offer. I had to take time to get back to that mindset, it’s the best space to be in, to create and to share. I got a lot to say ya’ll, I hit a bump, but I’m not DONE. not in the slightest.

I’m about to tackle sexuality in the next few posts, and breathing new life into my Youtube channel.Stay tuned.

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