Dating…Just to Date ( and why that sh!t is whack).

Just because he’s good company doesn’t mean I fancy him, but then maybe fancying someone isn’t what it’s all about? Maybe I’ve been wrong in waiting for that sweep you off your feet feeling, the feeling I had with [him]. And, let’s face it, it didn’t exactly work with [him], so maybe I’ve been looking for the wrong thing.” – Mr. Maybe by Jane Green

 Sometimes, I wonder if we’re dating just to ….date. By me, I mean women in particular. Think about it. There are a lot of females that I know, who are just dating, or in relationships…just because. I have one homegirl who has been dating a guy for more than year. But she seems….indifferent. Her friends hate him. He hates her friends. The sex isn’t very…..good. So what exactly is the point? To have someone just to have someone? To partner with someone, and spend all of this time and money…into someone you don’t even feel 100% into? Sounds weak to me.

But I’m starting to get why though. Recent events in the lives of women I care about the most, have prompted me to write this post. The hardest and most rewarding part about being single is deciding that you’ve had enough of dating weak ninjas, and deciding not to settle for bullshit. That’s the good part. The hardest part, is moving past the frustration.

What do I mean by this? It’s easy to date, actually. The physical act of dating. You can go on thousands of dinner dates, coffee dates, bowling, etc. Whatever. It is exhausting, especially first dates. But falling for someone…REALLY falling head over heels, crazy, over the moon, can’t eat, can’t sleep, LOVE. That is real, that is work, that shit is hard. It is much more difficult to actually find a real connection with one person, let alone a bunch of people. Isn’t that what we should strive for?

I guess some of these thoughts arose, because I recently ended things with this guy I’ve been seeing. It wasn’t dramatic at all. There was no crying. There was no yelling. It just fizzled out. And you know what? I’m relieved. So I guess that means I was never really into him right? Right. Basically, I started to really be honest with myself about the situation. The truth is…I didn’t feel mentally stimulated. I felt bored. And tired of initiating plans…initiating conversation….just tired. I had to really ask myself, what was I really holding on to? I was just dating just to date. To have something to do, someone to text, etc. Which is fine, during those rough patches, when you need a self esteem boost. But I’ve recently come to terms with my awesomeness, and because of this, I actually feel AMAZING  being single and in my twenties. I don’t FEEL like wasting time with just anyone, my time is precious. In the end, it was actually more work than I was trying to put in, to someone I wasn’t 100% feeling.

I think about all of my single friends. I think of the frustration and sadness they feel going on countless dates, with countless guys, only to be disappointed. I think of how tiresome that must feel. I say…sometimes it’s okay to NOT date. Like, I don’t wanna just go out with every tom, dick, and billy who asks me. Not unless I feel something, like a strong attraction, a strong spark, SOMETHING. Because ain’t nobody got time wasting good outfits on basic ninjas. My theory is always, when it stops becoming fun, take a break. Cool out. Do some yoga, join a book club, get drunk, go out with your friends, whatever. Sometimes you gotta go back to the drawing board, and remember what it is you actually want.

So that’s what I’m doing.Taking a break. You know, it feels really…relaxing. I’ve been watching a lot of House of Cards, sleeping, running in the mornings. Sometimes it feels good to come back to yourself.

Anyways, I’m done for the moment. Until next time ladies and germs!

always_mlove

 

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