No, but seriously. 

This weekend I had the opportunity to celebrate my sister’s high school graduation. It was a really special time for our family, and a great opportunity for us to reflect on how far we’ve come and how much we’ve grown.

I’m at her graduation luncheon, and all of the older women are talking about what they were doing at our age. I remember laughing, as our family friend shared that she had 4 kids at the age of 29. Other ladies shared similar sentiments about careers and kids, and I couldn’t help but feel relieved that I only had to worry about myself, my own hopes, and my own dreams.

In my 29 years of life, I have never been more confident and sure of myself than right now.  I love my friends, and feel no pressure to entertain people I really don’t fuck with. I love my alone time. I love who I’m becoming. I feel grateful for continuous growth, and support from those who love me and want to see me flourish. I feel comfy in my body, I feel pretty (oh so pretty), and it feels pretty damn good.

I think every girl goes through a phase where they think they aren’t enough. If any woman tells you they never have, I call bullshit. We all have doubts and insecurities. Sometimes, we don’t like ourselves, we don’t take care of ourselves. We all struggle.Like if we lose 10 lbs, if we learn how to cook, if we grow our hair out or start dressing differently, we will be enough then. We get frustrated when we see others doing seemingly better than us, beat ourselves up about not being further along in our careers or being more financially stable. It can be exhausting and depressing.

I think confidence can be perceived as arrogance sometimes. We’re told to sit down and be humble but sometimes we gotta stand up and be our own biggest cheerleader. Like, yes, hi, I am amazing. You should wanna be friends with me, date me, love me, etc. I’m worth it. If not, you can be dismissed, no problem. Nothing wrong with that, you know why? Because it took a lot of self work and time to get here. So no, I won’t be quiet about it. Yea I think I’m pretty, funny, smart, ambitious, and a goddamn catch. You mad, or no? We are too old to be entertaining anybody’s bullshit. We are too old to allow anybody to tell us anything about who we are. Whether it is friends, family or partners, we don’t HAVE to do anything that doesn’t support our growth or add to our happiness. 

Sometimes I think if more women knew how special they really are, fuckboys wouldn’t exist. Think about this. We as women complain about how ninjas can’t be trusted, they’re assholes, etc, and then go on social media preaching about self-love and not tolerating less than what we deserve. Ya’ll blasted LEMONADE when it came out, but still talking about some man you ‘talked to’ 3 years ago that still doesn’t want to date you. It doesn’t add up. You’re responsible for your OWN happiness. Lift yourself up, don’t wait for anybody to do it for you. So if you are entertaining bullshit, YOU are part of the problem. If you’re not getting enough love, or attention, or respect, YOU are also, part of the problem. You still complaining about a man who treats you like you’re disposable, it is YOU. That’s the truth son. When did we start doubting ourselves so much, that we waited for someone else to validate us, instead of validating ourselves? How much are you prioritizing yourself?  We wouldn’t entertain bullshit behavior from anybody, EVER, because we would already know our worth. We would already know that we aren’t defined by our relationship status, nor do we feel the need to lust after seemingly happy couples. We would just, be.

 At the end of the day, you matter first. Everything that you want to happen, can happen, if you believe in yourself. You’re lovable and capable of all the things, right now. So what are you afraid of? What is stopping you from being the best version of you? 

If we owned our magic, toxic relationships would be significantly less time-consuming. I’m not just talking about romantic relationships, because shitty friends can kill your vibe just the same. The prospect of alone time would not be scary, but welcomed. Half-assed love from anybody, would be unacceptable, and instead time would be spent becoming the people were meant to be. Or spending our time with people who make us feel good, ALL the time. 

Stop denying how special you really are. You are worthy of love and adoration today. Not in six months, in a year, not when you turn 30, and ‘magically have your life in order.’ Right the fuck now.  

Don’t stay in something that doesn’t make you happy or make you grow. Don’t entertain friendships that are one-sided, or drain you emotionally.Because at some point, you have to acknowledge the part you play, in entertaining something that you know is hurting you. You have a choice, always. As for me? I choose me, first. Always.

 “There is nothing like you, there was nothing like you, and there shall be nothing like you. “